“Not Allowing Kids To Get Bored”: 25 Modern Parenting Trends That Might Cause Kids To Need Therapy

There’s so much to consider when raising a child. The do’s and don’t of child-rearing are plentiful, and everyone seems to have a different opinion on the right and the wrong ways to raise little ones. Thoughts on parenting have evolved significantly over time, and things which were accepted as the norm are no longer considered okay. Swearing in front of impressionable young minds, consuming alcohol while pregnant and smoking in front of kids were quite common during the decades of the 50s and 60s, but are now decreed as harmful and unacceptable by society at large. Recently, an interesting Reddit discussion sprang up on the topic of toxic parenting trends that will likely be mocked by future generations and we’ve compiled a list of the most thought-provoking opinions in the gallery below.

#1

Image source: Becky Lee, freepik

Sterilizing your child’s environment!!

Stop using antibacterial everything and not letting your kids play in the dirt or touch anything.

Kids need to adapt to the germs in the world they live in.

They need to get sick, and get well WITHOUT antibiotics, and build up a resistant immune system.

The world is not sterile.

#2

Image source: Rose Wiegley, freepic.diller

Thinking obedience is a virtue.

Obedience is NOT a virtue. If you raise obedient children you are raising obedient adults. You want to raise someone who asks questions. You want to raise someone who sees the world differently. You want to raise someone who knows you have good reasons and are willing to explain them. You do NOT want to raise someone who does it “Because I said so!”

Someday that kid will have a boss/friend/partner who tells them to do something bad. Do you want them to have the “Because he said to” mindset or pause and think?

#3

Image source: Eric Segeren, Getty Images

Not getting your child vaccinated. Children with allergies and other unique medical conditions aside, there is absolutely no legitimate, morally defensible reason other than pure ignorance for choosing not to do this if it is available in your society.

#4

Image source: Abigail Thomas, Getty Images

“If your baby / child cries just ignore it, it’s only after attention. It’ll soon learn.” So many people say this and think it’s acceptable. If a baby or child cries you need to see what is wrong, is it hungry or thirsty? Maybe it does just want some attention. What is so wrong with a baby or child wanting attention? Pick that child up and give it a hug for goodness sake. But sometimes the child may be over tired and leaving them in peace is the best thing for the child but don’t ignore them, keep an ear open and if their crying changes go and check to make sure everything is ok.

#5

Image source: Olivia C, Pixabay

Do not publicly shame or humiliate your child as a form of punishment.

It’s normal for kids to screw up, and it’s embarrassing enough to be caught by your parents for doing something you’re less than proud of without them broadcasting it to a bunch of other people. This can have devastating effects on a child’s self esteem by engraining in them the idea that they are a “bad child.” The child will internalize feelings of worthlessness and shame, especially knowing that others know about everything they’ve done wrong (and often don’t hear about the things they’ve done right).

Please, respect your child enough to have an open and honest (and private) discussion with them when they mess up. This allows from them to learn from the experience and try to do better in the future.

#6

Image source: Caroline Geer , The Yuri Arcurs Collection

My husband and I have had 7 children. The first 6 came in a span of 10 years (1997–2007) and our youngest, number 7, is 10 months old. He was a delightful surprise in 2015.

The trends raising our youngest have certainly changed in the 18 years since my oldest was a baby. I didn’t even have a cell phone then! We used VCR tapes, cassettes of Barney were in the tape deck in the van, Wii only meant ‘we’….

The dangerous trend I have observed in more recent years is not being there. Oh as a mom of many I am “there”, but sometimes not really THERE. So my number one suggestion is be there- in the moment- with your child. Put your phone down- look into their beautiful eyes and listen to them. Here’s why… you will blink and your little one will be an adult.

I feel like this last little blessing has taught me sooo much about the passing of time.

Not to waste it on my phone- reading about the lives of others while the ones around me need me, want to talk to me and really would love for their mommy (or daddy) to just look them in the eyes when they ask even a simple question.

With our seventh I feel like he has been an eye opener for us. Thankfully we still have young ones and I am a mom who is still learning.

#7

Image source: Jay Bazzinotti, freepik

My sis is an OD and she works with the disabled and children almost exclusively. The worst are rambunctious children who won’t sit still. You REALLY have to sit still when someone is working on your eyes. REALLY. Her secret power is she hugs the kids who won’t sit still for a minute and they melt. All they want is someone to hug them and tell them everything is okay. Some children clutch onto her like they’re drowning and she is driftwood and they start sobbing. Their parents will buy them any number of expensive electronics but won’t spend time with them or hug them or even engage them. When my sister hugs them, they are absolutely desperate for any kind of physical comfort. If you want your kid to be open to molestation, then ignore them. Never hug them. Never tell you love them. They WILL find what they need SOMEWHERE. The parents tell my sister their children can’t wait to come to the OD office. They don’t understand why. It’s because they want SOMEONE to hug them and care for them for a change and the latest iPhone doesn’t do that. We all need a hug now and then. Where is Leo Buscaglia when you need him?

#8

Image source: Beth Jones, freepik

Not holding kids responsible for their actions. Children need to learn there are consequences for their actions. Sheilding them from the fallout of misbehavior is a disaster-in-the-making.

“Convenience” parenting – not paying attention to the child’s needs because it interferes with the parents desires. Most little ones crying in stores are bored, hungry or need a nap. Shop at a different time or leave them with a sitter! Taking kids to inappropriate movies, allowing them to watch graphic scenes on television. Taking children to sporting or other entertainment events on school nights and keeping them out way past their bed time. Kids get a lot of blame for what are poor and selfish parenting decisions.

#9

Image source: Daniel Schwarz Carigiet, Leo Rivas

Suppressing a child’s curiosity. Not dangerous, perhaps, but a terrible thing.

#10

Image source: Anonymous, freepik

Not touching your children.

I’m surprised this hasn’t been mentioned more.

Kids of all ages need to feel your love. It makes them feel secure, safe, and good. If you deprive your kid of physical affection, they will seek it elsewhere… and you will not like it.

I am not exaggerating: I can not remember a single time either of my parents has hugged me or kissed me or touched me in a non-hurtful way. Not even when I was in elementary school.

I am now a high school student and sometimes I want someone to give me a reassuring touch, or feel safe in their arms; not romantically, but from an adult. I know this because I was starved from it as a child.

Love your children. Show them through actions.

#11

Image source: Kalvin Sid, charlesdeluvio

There is a fast spreading belief that immunization shots are a cause of autism in children. Many people on my wife’s mom’s forum would castigate her for telling them that this is a hoax and that there are numerous articles to disprove this. They would say things like “my first kid got immunized and he is now autistic whereas my second child didn’t and she is fine.” Sure, they are well-meaning people and you can parent your child however you wish, but if you’re spreading misinformation to other parents you’re putting their children’s lives at risk.

Scary how many people can believe a lie and assume it to be true.

#12

Image source: John C Locke, SashkaB

Social media disengagement.
About 80 percent of parents I see at the park are on cell phones, kindleand such as there kids play and at times seek to draw their parents attention.

#13

Image source: Ali Habbak, note thanun

Parents find it easy to let the school, teachers, classmates, TV, and movies shape the personal characters and values of their children.

The children learn both the right and the wrong without being able to distinguish between them. How could they while being exposed to everything for the first time in their life? They need to be coached by who has the knowledge, experience, and cares about their wellbeing and future. Only the parents, out of their love, have the children best interest in their hearts.

Parents have the responsibility of protecting their children from the ills of the society and helping them be good citizens.

#14

Image source: Tee Nartaka, DC Studio

This is coming from a teen myself so I may not be qualified to answer this but when your kids get older remember to listen to them. We definitely are not always right but listen to our opinion as equal adults. You don’t have to agree with us but just listen. I guarantee it makes your kid view you as a respectful serene human, not just their crazy mom. It’s a trend I see to downplay how your kids are feeling or their opinions to make them think whatever they’re gong through is not a big deal. However this does not work. It’s makes your kid feel isolated.

#15

Overloading their lives with stupid activities. Life is not a freaking competition, it’s just about being happy and playing around :)

Image source: Iván Vega

#16

Image source: Torben Sangild, syda_productions

The Tiger Mom Approach: Teaching your children not to play and be creative. Teaching them that they are only loved if they have performed succesfully. Draining them of self-esteem and teaching them not to enjoy life.

(The alternative to the Tiger Mom Approach is not indulgence and lack of discipline. Giving your child love and joy can easily be combined with authority and teaching them to make an effort.)

#17

Image source: Judi Golden, Kelly Sikkema

1. Not modelling good behavior for your children – expecting them to do what you say, not what you do. Kids sense the hypocracy and lose respect.
2. Not teaching critical thinking skills.
3. Being too germophobic. See “hygiene hypothesis”.
4. Raising your kids just like you were raised because it “worked”, or conversely, doing everything the opposite because it didn’t. Take the good and reject the bad.
5. Parents fighting too many of the kid’s battles for them, like arguing with teachers over grades, doing the kids homework or school projects for them, navigating the child’s social relationships etc… It is tough, but there is a fine line between helping a child and taking over.

#18

To me, the very worst, most dangerous thing a parent can do – even without realizing it (and I admit occasional guilt) – is to simply not listen to what your child is saying to you. To tune them out as white noise that is competing with what you would rather pay attention to. When I realized that I was doing this, I was shocked and disgusted with myself, because that’s what my parents did to me, when I was young. After realizing this terrible habit, I adjusted. Now, regardless how minor, ridiculous, irrelevant, or whimsical, I listen to everything my children say with undivided attention.

The thing that really snapped me out of that rut was the fact that my daughters have lost 3 of their friends, this year alone, to suicide. The chief complaint among those three, before they left? They felt neglected by their parents. Just unwanted baggage. I never want my children to feel that. It is unavoidable that a parent will make their child feel that way, simply by denying them something they really, really think they need. But, that’s not the same thing… and they realize that. But, when parents dismiss their children with a nod, a “mm hmm”, and a wave of the hand, how else are they to feel? So, I made it a point to be attentive. It can be difficult, especially when the conversion consists of 12 1/2 minutes of “My Little Pony” fan fiction… but it’s important to her. Because of that, I give her that ear to show that she’s important to me.

Image source: Dan Harvell

#19

A dangerous practice I have seen is the parent/s living through their children.

Image source: Leith Tarling

#20

Image source: Kathleen McB, freepik

I have a couple I’d like to mention. One is letting kids spend too much time with technology. Another is not talking to their kids about sex, waiting too long to talk to them about sex, or teaching them that sex is shameful. These “abstinence only” school programs drive me nuts. Let’s get real about human nature.

#21

Image source: Allison Wilson, Getty Images

Trying to parent alone. More and more parents and families are isolated from their neighbors, their extended families, their friends, their support. We think we have to know everything, be able to handle anything and never ask for help. Its insane. And not only is it insane but it keeps your children from having experiences outside of your home, or your created environment.

They miss that crazy Auntie who yes, may give them more sugar than you like, but also speaks French and Spanish to your child and shows them the delight in experiencing another culture. They won’t get to know 80 year old Gladys who lives at the end of the block,who while they help her prune her roses tells them stories of another time from her childhood in Brooklyn. They miss the flavor of actually living and breathing in their world. They miss their village.

And we as parents miss OUR village. We miss the Mom we can commiserate with over another sleepless night, who also has on a stained shirt and is wearing a Dora the Explorer sticker on her knee because that is high as her toddler could get it. We miss the sage wisdom from our elders who raised healthy, happy, successful children who slept on non-organic sheets, drank from the garden hose and were allowed to chase the ice cream truck around the corner without fear that they would not come back.

The world is a curious place and we are meant to experience it. Sometimes that means not being able to control everything, but it seems to me, that in that release of control, sometimes, sometimes, we have our most rich and memorable experiences yet. Don’t you think our children, and we, deserve that? A colorful, tiresome, flavorful, go until your legs cramp and you lay in the grass looking at the clouds without worrying about what pesticide may seep through your clothes experience. I know I do.

#22

Setting the expectation that everything must be fun for the child, at all times.

The opposite – the Tiger mom approach.

Both extremes are terrible.

Image source: Shuba

#23

Image source: Liora Shapiro, freepik

Personally, I’m really against hitting. I’m thinking some readers might think “yeah, well, your kid is only 2”, but I really hope I have the courage of my convictions and never hit my daughter.

Secure attachment is really important to me, and hitting damages that. Studies also show that hitting doesn’t lead to better behavioural outcomes. We teach our kids that violence is wrong, and we’re not allowed to hit adults, so I really feel like it shouldn’t be okay to hit kids either.

Also, I feel like if I hit my daughter, I’m telling her that it’s okay for someone to hit her. Not something I want her to internalize for when she’s an adult.

It’s still unfortunately very much normalized in our society though.

Another trend imho is figuratively wrapping one’s kid up in bubble wrap: if they’re only starting to make decisions when they’re adults and don’t have you there to fall back on in the same way, they might make terrible decisions. Overprotection can really backfire.

Of course, there’s the other side of the spectrum where people don’t even know where their kids are half the time, so a little balance is needed!

#24

Image source: Emma Markham, freepik

As somebody’s child, and now also three people’s mother, my only answer to this is: expecting your children to provide you happiness and to take care of you in your old age. My mother placed constant pressure on me as a child that it was going to be my job to look after her when she got older. (Which as it turned out never happened as she died at 60 of ALS). She was a single mother and always made me feel that I was the only thing in her life that could make her happy. This is too much pressure for a child, and ultimately a very selfish expectation. In the end it pushed me to the other end of the spectrum, moving to a different country, away from her. My children bring me great happiness. But I do not EXPECT this from them. Nor do I expect them to take care of me and my husband when we grow old. With any luck we will have raised them with the right morals and to be kind enough to do what they feel is right in their lives. That’s my job.

#25

Image source: Tom Byron

Not teaching them to take personal responsibility for their actions. It is never correct to say somebody else did/said something and therefore justifying “It’s not MY fault!”

We are all responsible for our own actions, choices, habits, friends, and attitudes. There are extreme exceptions in 1% of the cases, but not every day, all the time.

Ergo, “We are not ALL winners, with no losers!”