25 Unforgettable Comments Made By Witty Students, According To Teachers

Teachers often find themselves managing lesson plans, discipline, and detention, but they also get to hear some of the funniest and most surprising comments from their students. These kids, who might one day become stand-up comedians, can lighten the mood during the often serious routines of homework, tests, and grading. When a student says something particularly hilarious, teachers sometimes can’t help but laugh, and they recently shared these funny moments in popular online threads to spread the joy they experienced in that classroom.

#1

Image source: knittingandscience, nickjr

I had a kid who said nearly nothing for three years. His senior year he joined the speech team, which I was coaching at the time. He showed up for contest with a speech entitled “why Dora the Explorer is a threat to America”. We were HOWLING.

#2

Image source: half-blonde-princess, ManuelTheLensman / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

I had a kid who said nearly nothing for three years. His senior year he joined the speech team, which I was coaching at the time. He showed up for contest with a speech entitled “why Dora the Explorer is a threat to America”. We were HOWLING.

#3

Image source: Little-Assist-1851, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

One year I was dealing with administrative conflict and was not granted permission to cross state lines for a band contest with my students (out of state trips require board approval). Was forced into a position where I told my students we weren’t able to attend the contest because the trip wasn’t approved. Had a student from Honduras raise his hand. When I called on him the kid said, “Hey, I’m really good at getting across borders undetected. I can figure it out”. I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. Still remains the funniest thing a student has ever said to me.

#4

Image source: dutchzookangaroo, Max Harlynking / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Met a student for the first time and in getting to know him, I asked him about his future career goals and what he wants to be when he grows up. He replied, “retired.”

#5

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Image source: imakeameanlasagna, Johann Nepomuk della Croce / Wikipedia

One of my kids once said “Mr_____. I hit my head in gym. I think I have a conclusion”

“Yes you do. Go to the nurse”.

#6

Image source: thecooliestone, Mikael Blomkvist / Pexels (not the actual photo)

I had a really bad cough once. It was a really shaky, echoing, rattly cough. So we’re taking a test, and I cough, and a kid yells out “Yo you sound like my mama’s 1999 toyota trying to start up in the morning”

I tried to get onto him for talking during the test but honestly I started laughing, which made me cough, which made people laugh, which made me cough…

#7

Image source: Frosty-Employer7599, Max Fischer / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Someone farted in class and it was AWFUL. I said, “Someone needs to go to the bathroom.”
Instantly, one of my 4th graders said, “Someone needs to go to the doctor.”
I couldn’t breathe for 10 minutes and class was done. I lost all control and didn’t care.

#8

Image source: mamacrocker, Dr. Lance Liotta Laboratory / visualsonline (not the actual photo)

“Sharing is caring! Unless it’s chlamydia.”

“AP means the class is advanced, not the student.”

“She only has a birthday every 4 years? But does she still grow?”

I write great quotes on the side of my board – my kids consider it an honor to be up there. One of my friends actually found me a special quote journal so I can write them down is a book and keep them for posterity.

#9

Image source: MonkeyAtsu, Nobel Foundation / Wikipedia

High schoolers were dissing each other, and one informed the other that “you look like Martin Luther King if he never had a dream.”

Put my head down laughing in front of the class over that one….

#10

Image source: unicacher, javier trueba / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

I have had a student for three years now that devotes a portion of her weekly summary to commenting on my mental and emotional state. “Mr. S seems remarkably stable considering the torment the freshmen put him through. I will watch him closely next week for an anticipated breakdown.”

#11

Image source: gweneralkenobi, Wolrider YURTSEVEN / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Last year one of the boys was trying to demonstrate a kick to his friends (while my back was to him) and his croc flew off his foot and hit the ceiling pretty loudly. I turned to look just as the croc was hitting the floor and we stare at each other for a sec before he goes, with full apologetic sincerity, “I’m sorry, they weren’t in sports mode, that was my bad.” I couldn’t even get mad.

#12

Image source: Fuego-TACO, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

One of my kids once said “Mr_____. I hit my head in gym. I think I have a conclusion”

“Yes you do. Go to the nurse”.

#13

Image source: blinkingsandbeepings, Dipin Maharjan / Pexels (not the actual photo)

My favorite was when the identical twin brother of one of my students came in to say hi to him, and this sixth grader looks at them, and then looks at me wide-eyed and says “is he… from another universe?”.

#14

Image source: nervousperson374784, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Had a student who spoke like and had the humor of an 80 year old man. Kid would make comments under his breath and was genuinely just so funny. I was so happy that he broke out of his shell by the end of the year, as I was the only teacher who paid close enough attention to his humor at the beginning of the year. Lord, hearing a 12 year old go “kids these days” unironically is still one of my favorite moments as a teacher.

#15

Image source: No_Sea_4235, Taylor Flowe / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

When I was a student-teacher teaching Middle Schoolers, I was explaining that the some elements are unstable an only appear for a extremely short time.

One student literally uttered “Just like my dad” (him and his friend were giggling). I’m just thankful that my mask was on bc it was taking every fibre in my body to not laugh.

#16

Image source: BackyardMangoes, Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Student handed me a pen and a blank paper. Told me it was my do it yourself birthday card.

#17

Image source: GarnetShaddow, Andy Quezada / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

I taught civics for my apprenticeship year
The first day, my mentor is telling the kids in a class that they will be learning about their rights. A kid raised his hand and asked if we will also be learning about out lefts. Perfect deadpan. I almost lost it.

#18

Image source: we_gon_ride, Possessed Photography / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

A student asked me if he could go to the bathroom immediately after we had gotten back from a bathroom break.

I asked him why he didn’t go when we went as a class and he said, “I was going dooky but Mrs. Jones (my co-teacher) told me to hurry. I was mid poo and now it’s coming out.”

So I said, “omg!! Go that’s too much information.”

He leaves the room and immediately comes back and grabs the book off his desk and says “reading material “ and runs out.

FYI: I’m a 7th grade teacher.

#19

Image source: inkedblonde13, Ludovic Migneault / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

I was teaching an adult class made up of a mixture of 19+ childcare students and ESOL students. I’d put some images up of celebrities on the board and asked the learners to come up with language techniques based on an image. I went around the room for answers and came to an ESOL lady who said, “Her make-up is slapped on like semen”. I almost choked. Immediately I presumed I’d misheard her (some chatting going off) and asked her to repeat herself. “Her make-up is slapped on like semen”. I almost died. The other learners were whispering/giggling. She repeated it again. It was only when she started miming saying “Like semen… Semen on the floor!” that I realised she meant cement! It was a valuable lesson on pronunciation 😂.

#20

Image source: Fit_Mongoose_4909, Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

One of my students used to break out with, “Oh Laward y’all need to find Jesus” when other kids were acting out. To this day when I run into him he gets a big hug.

#21

I had a student who used a joke to open his “Animal Adaptations “ book he wrote. The joke was… What to you call a chameleon that doesn’t change color…. A reptile dysfunction. I’m pretty sure it was intentional, and it was hilarious.

Image source: Silent_Ad_6195

#22

Image source: Usual_Court_8859, National Cancer Institute / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

“Schools are grocery stores for kidnappers.”

#23

Image source: rvralph803, Tra Nguyen / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

My AP physics class was tasked with presenting the portions of a chapter because they bombed a test.

This group totally hams its way though their presentation. It was bad. It wasn’t even cp level good.

At one point it dawned on them how badly it was going and they all just kind of decided to pack it in.

As they’re doing so my best student says “Oh no, my education!” In the most deadpan disinterested voice.

Thank God the room was dark, or else they might have seen me convulsing and turning blue holding in metric tons of laughter.

#24

Image source: Jonathan Kurtzman, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Married to a teacher, but this story was told to me by my oldest child’s kindergarten teacher. With all the kids sitting on the rug, Mary read and acted out a story. She then asked the class if they wanted to hear it again. The class goes yeah, and as that sound went away, she could hear my daughter’s distinctive voice mutter, ‘I’d rather be dead.’

Mary said she had to stand in the hallway because she couldn’t stop laughing.

#25

Image source: Strong_Letter_7667, Caique Morais / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

(At Walmart after hours) 6th grader, with his family. “What are you doing here? Did they forget to switch you off and put you in the closet til tomorrow? “I howled.