“FBI Knocking At My Door”: 25 Reasons People Broke Up With A Fiance

Being in a relationship means being willing to compromise. However, no relationship is devoid of issues and breakups are quite normal when two different people come together. But what leads to someone choosing to call off a partnership after it has hit a certain stage in the relationship cycle? Recently, Redditors candidly recalled what made them end a relationship they had with a significant other whom they intended to marry one day.  Scroll to read these rather intriguing and somewhat painful tales shared in the gallery below.

#1 My high school boyfriend and I would for sure have gotten married if I’d stayed in the relationship. We were planning on it. Both going to college in the same city, etc. And we’d been really serious, two+ year relationship, really loved each other a lot. I say this now as someone in her thirties with several years of marriage under her belt–high school bf and I had a bona-fide relationship going.

A month before leaving for college, my family took our annual summer vacation trip to [stereotypical New England vacation destination]. Boyfriend came along, as he had for the past two summers. I don’t know what changed, exactly, but at some point during the trip, a switch flipped. I realized that left to itself, our relationship would in fact continue through college, through grad school, boyfriend would become a lawyer, I would become a teacher, we’d move into a house in our hometown that our parents bought, boyfriend would go work for his dad’s law firm, we’d have a few kids, buy a vacation house, run some 5ks or maybe 10ks as we got older and realized we needed to keep staying in shape… I don’t know, I just saw the whole thing, and I wanted none of it. As sexy and awesome as I found my high school boyfriend, I knew that that’s what he wanted–stay in hometown, live a life exactly like the one he grew up with. For whatever reason, it turned me off completely. I broke up with him over that vacation and spent the rest of summer vacation crying my eyes out because he took all our mutual friends with him. Nobody understood why we broke up. Least of all me, to be honest–I just knew that I had to end it, because if I waited it would get harder.

Over a decade later, time has proven me very right. Boyfriend took less than a year to start dating another girl from our high school class (one I had teased him about having a crush on when we dated in high school). They got engaged a week after I did to my current husband–he was still wearing a ring I’d gotten him for his 16th birthday in the engagement photos. They live in our hometown, just popped out a kid, post pictures on Facebook every summer with their vacation trips to [stereotypical New England vacation destination]. He’s a lawyer, works for the law firm of a friend of his dad’s. I assume they’re living in a house their parents bought them in the town we’re from. He’s living the life he’s always wanted to live.

Me? I taught for awhile, but then my husband, who grew up on a farm but wanted to be a scientist, got a research job in Cambridge, England, so I took the opportunity to go back to school to get a PhD in children’s literature, which was my dream job before I even knew it was a job. We have no idea what country we’re going to be living in in three years–could be back int he states, could be in the UK, could be somewhere else in Europe. All of our friends are similarly transient academics from all over the world. *This* is the life I wanted to live. I would be so unhappy if I’d stayed in the life I knew my high school boyfriend wanted. I have no idea how my 18 year old self knew it, but I’m sure glad I listened to that feeling in my gut.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Lol but seriously if you made it this far good job, didn’t expect to write a short essay on a Monday morning.

Image source: stainedglassmoon

#2 I’ve been engaged twice. First one ended after meeting my family for the first time, my fiance made fun of my brother, who is very intelligent but sometimes socially awkward, for half the ride home. I slept on it, then gave the ring back the next day. F**k that guy.

The second engagement, we dated for 3 years and got engaged after 2. The closer it got, the more he decided he wanted to have children immediately, wanted me to stay home with them, and then said, “Knowing that, I’m wondering if it’s worth it for you to continue grad school.” (I was just starting my second year of my master’s program) Buh-bye.

Image source: anon

#3 Found credit card statement on the floor once, just before a family holiday. £thousands in debt that he’d never told me about. I’d been paying the rent entirely by myself in a job I hated and I was too young and naïve (23) to realise he wasn’t an honest man. That was it.

Image source: anon, Mikhail Nilov

edit: we still chat every now and again. We wanted different things in life, so the argument that followed was the straw that broke the camels back. My next partner (now husband) had a lot of debt from a failed business, but the difference was he was honest about it, so I didn’t care. Money doesn’t trump love, but honesty is the bedrock of any relationship.

#4 He cheated. And got another woman pregnant. Then called me a few weeks later asking me to be the child’s god mother, because he “knows I’m really good with kids.” ?.

Image source: kmmy89399, Negative Space

#5 After 2 years of constantly forgiving him for cheating on me, it wasn’t until I needed to be hospitalized that I realized he didn’t love me.

Image source: wanderingcat72, Ivan Samkov

When I needed him the most he told me, “I’m sorry, I can’t take you being in there. It makes me too sad. Call me when you get out.” So when I did, I told him I just wanted to be friends, but I had nothing against him. Literally a day after I called him and told him that, he made FB official post dating some other girl lol
I’m married now and really happy in my relationship. I definitely dodged a bullet :).

#6 We had been dating for over 2 years, and engaged for about 6 months.

Image source: anon, Alex Green

Then one night, she bit me twice. Then I slapped her once, and she called the cops.

We were drunk (of course) and got in to an argument about something stupid, and I wanted to let it all go until the morning, when we could talk about it when we were sober. But she was doing that thing she had been doing for a while at that point…refusing to relent until she felt she won the argument. I was going to sleep at her apartment that night, but when she wouldn’t stop arguing, I decided to get up and leave.

As I was starting to put my pants on, she tackled me in a fit of rage. Then she bit my arm hard…so much so that she drew blood (I still have the scar.) I squirmed away, but she grabbed my legs and then she bit me again, hard, this time on my a*s cheek. (I still have that scar too, only it’s bigger.)

The second bite she wouldn’t let go…gnashing on my a*s like a dog with a chew toy. So I grabbed her hair, and pulled, then slapped her.

She was SHOCKED that I would slap her. SHOCKED. She called the cops. They showed up, saw all the blood and that I was the only one bleeding, then arrested her. I was actually kind of surprised by that, but they were reasonable individuals.

I did not want to press charges. I was done with her, and saw no need for them at that point. Turns out the town she lived in has a domestic violence law that compells the prosecutor to file charges without needing me to press charges. She took a deal that put a misdeamenor on her record (vs. felony battery), and a years probation.

About 6 weeks after this incident, I met the woman who is now my wife. This November will be our 22nd wedding anniversary. And in all that time, she has never bitten me, and I have never slapped her.

#7 Both of us were alcoholics.

I met him at age 22, he was 26. Love at first sight. It was immediately understood without even speaking of it that we were just going to be together now, and that was that for 2.5 years.

I have still never met someone I have loved entirely as much as I loved him. And when I broke things off with him, I honestly think a piece of my soul died. Because I have truly never been the same since.

My mom and dad were both alcoholics and it f****d up my childhood. I had a drinking problem myself that I didn’t understand yet. My drinking increased when we began dating because it seemed so normal to indulge more with him. The more I drank, the more neurotic and needy I became. The more he drank, the more he just faded away from the world.

He always drank to the point of blacking out and I hated it. I would see his facial expression go kind of blank while we were out, and I’d know he was blacked out, like, nothing there, dead behind the eyes. And I’d wonder where the guy I loved was. I’d tell him we needed to go home and he’d brush it off and refuse. He had to close the bar down no matter what. He’d just always get so f*****g hammered.

Seeing the man I loved really drunk would always trigger this really lonely and dark sadness inside me. I felt invisible like I did to my parents my whole childhood. And he drank like, everyday. He never slept at night so much as he actually just kind of passed out. I always felt like I was sleeping next to a ghost when he was passed out from drinking. I felt like I was dating him, the perfect person, and then also his twin, who had nothing to give and no life inside of him. It was just a shell of him. It broke my heart constantly.

After some time of cyclical arguments (usually while both of us were drunk) I started to realize he didn’t feel like he had an issue, and I wasn’t sure he would ever face it. I wanted to face my issues. I wanted a better life and better mental health. He was not in favor of making changes.

He had socialized with the same group of guys since he was 5, all of whom drank to blackouts regularly, and his dad was a big drinker. They were from a privileged, upper middle class kind of circle where binge drinking was just normal because they went to more expensive bars and only drank craft beers and whatnot. Idk how to explain it. But there was a disconnect there between us. There was no part of his life that didn’t revolve around alcohol and I knew if I didn’t get away from that lifestyle, I was going to end up miserable or maybe even dead.

I still fight for my sobriety every day. He just got married last month. I saw photos from the wedding, where he had a drink in his hand in every photo and the same blank, drunk expression I could never cope with. I wish him the best, and I still miss him everyday. I f*****g hate alcohol for all of the s**t in life that it absolutely destroys.

Image source: DumpsterJuiceTea

#8 I was engaged to a guy I’d dated for 3 years and planning a destination wedding. He cheated with a mutual friend one night.

Image source: St3phiroth, Yan Krukau

His mom (who he lived with while we were apartment hunting) accidentally walked in on them in the middle of it while letting the dogs out. He didn’t know his mom had seen, but his mom called me and told me what happened. He denied it when I confronted him which made it worse. Called off the wedding and broke up, etc.

Weirdly enough, he got married about 5 years later to someone else in the exact same destination wedding location/venue/package/colors I had always dreamed of and planned out for us. He must have kept my planning binder and just reused it or something.

Edit: whoa this blew up! Made a clarity edit because guy did not sleep with his mom. Answering some questions here:

1) Could his mom have been wrong/was it a plot to break you up?

No. He finally came clean after I said his mom had walked in on him and called me. And the mutual friend admitted it to me too when I confronted her. His mom was basically sobbing when she called me because she didn’t want us to break up, but knew she should tell me. I’m actually sad about losing the mom so much more than my ex. She was awesome! Some other things were revealed about him later too like he lied about finishing his degree at university and had failed out instead. I dodged a big bullet for sure.

2) What happened to the mutual friend?

Well, she and I definitely stopped being friends. She wasn’t even apologetic when I confronted her. She had also been in a relationship that she broke off. They ended up dating for a while after that which was a bit of a mess because my ex and I ran a large, well-known community together. The rumors of what happened got out, but I attempted to be civil about it for the sake of the community. They, however, parked in the front window of the weekly venue and made out for everyone to see as a way of announcing their relationship. Super classy.

3) What happened to me?

I ended up moving across the country a few months later, meeting the man who is now my awesome husband of 8 years, and we just had our first kid last year. I’m much happier with this outcome!

#9 Completly unable to manage money. Spent every dollar he came across on gaming & weed and constantly put off paying important bills. Wouldve dragged us both into bankruptcy if I wouldve stayed w him.

Image source: summerlovin2818, Pavel Danilyuk

#10 After 4 years of relationship, her parents couldn’t come into terms with my religion and caste, they completely opposed our marriage, the girl couldn’t sacrifice her parents’ relationship and so she sacrificed me for them. Welcome to 21st century India.

Image source: marzneo, Qazi Ikram haq

#11 She cheated on me. Multiple times. On her trip to Europe. Which she is still on. I saw the Facebook messages on the computer where she was still logged in. Then she lied when I called her on it. This all happened about 4 hours ago. I’m at a bit of a loss… I was planning our engagement. I’m glad it happened now I guess. Very rough though.

Image source: finalproject, Tobias Dziuba

#12 Every time we fought she would throw her engagement ring somewhere, make me get it, then make me plead with her to put it back on. Even for very small disagreements and even in public. That was the final straw. It was very f****d up feeling begging somebody to be with me all the time. It gave he huge insecurity issues.

Image source: Anti_Social_, Tima Miroshnichenko

That was on top of the fact she began to call me names and hit me a lot. It all started after we got engaged for some reason. Things were so perfect but as soon as she got that ring everything changed. Suddenly she what I mentioned along with calling me a loser, piece of s**t, and ugly a lot.

#13 He was obsessed in making me look/speak better. He would control my food intake and make me exercise everyday. Whenever i was out with him i have to wear heels..dress well and he would point out what other girls were wearing and that i should try on. Putting make up is a must even when I’m on a plane.

Image source: Cutestuff_, Andrea Piacquadio

I wasn’t allow to speak other language aside from english and not allowed to watch dramas that is trash to him.

My last straw was him asking me to consider to get a boobs job when i lost so much weight from all the exercise/controlled diet. I realised i cannot live this way anymore and he will never be satisfied ever.

Even though I still love him but I was mentally drained and constantly felt that I was ugly and unworthy.

#14 She was in love with my best friend. And they were both in denial about it. They were engaged a month after we broke up.

Image source: Cptcrispo, Hannah Busing

Edit: Answering questions.
They both told me nothing physical happened and I believe them but they hung out a lot (which was pretty normal because we were all friends in high school) and I’m pretty sure they were already emotionally involved because she started to drift away (emotionally). They were both nice about it and asked if I’d be okay. I said yes because they seemed like they would be happy together and I cared about them both but I don’t hang out with them all that much because as nice as I try to be about it I still feel betrayed. I still talk to my best friend every once in a while but it doesn’t ever really get any deeper than the “what are you up to these days?” texts.

And for everyone commenting been there and me too: I’m truly sorry. I sincerely believe that there’s someone for everyone. Whoever you lost wasn’t that person. As they say in Meet the Robinsons: “Keep moving forward.”.

#15 He’s an absolutely wonderful dude. He just thought I was a different person than I really am. He and I met during a very stressful point of my life, and he thought that if I quit doing all the things that made me “me,” like volunteering, being a workaholic, helping my family, I’d be perfect. In the end, when the crazy subsided, I landed a job that makes me the happiest ever, via the volunteering I was doing, and my family stabilized and isn’t quite as crazy as before.

We’re both married to other people now, and thanks to social media I can see that he chose well, and is super happy. I’m happy here, and honestly, I’m really grateful for the way it all worked out. Nothing wrong at all with him, and he deserves all the goodness in life he has.

Image source: majorboredom1

#16 Wow, I can’t believe how relevant this thread is to me right now. My dad just dropped me back off at my house from the hospital 45 minutes ago so this literally just happened.(His fiance was watching my son while he took me.)

Image source: Jeiku53, Timur Weber

The last 4 days, my fiance has decided to stay at her new coworkers house either overnight or until well in to the morning. I told her that’s ridiculously not ok to do when your engaged, even though she claims it was just stress relief playing video games with a new guy friend. We also have a four month old son that I’ve been taking care of for the past four days she’s been gone, and I’ve been very sick with what I thought was a stomach bug. Well this morning I fainted, and she insisted I just get some rest and maybe go to urgent care if I dont get better. Then I lost my ability to keep any liquids down and was insistent that she take me to the hospital then go home and take care of our son.

This was too much to ask though, as she’d already made plans to meet this guy again tonight. She walked to her work and left her family behind to go spend the night at his house. I told her that if she chooses to abandon her family to go spend time with another man, who I never accused her of cheating on me with despite the numerous red flags, than her family wont be waiting for her when she gets home. I involved someone in my family out of necessity, so my dad took me to the hospital and his fiance watched my son.

My Fiance’s last text to me simply said “I cant come home so I guess I just lose everything.”

After multiple chest xrays and an abdomen CT, it turns out I’m not sick, but the stress caused by my relationship started causing massive problems throughout my body. Oh and apparently I have a kidney stone.

I know it was petty but when I got home I just sent her a picture of our son and told her that this was who she chose to give up on tonight.

*Edit: After reading a lot of these other posts, I’m realizing I should probably have left her much sooner.

#17 Tbh I’m pretty sure he lost his mind.

Image source: charlottedhouse, Michael Burrows

He was constantly accusing me of cheating, going through my phone and emails, jumping down my throat if I ran late at work. Calling my work when he found something he felt was incriminating to berate me and threaten to throw me out.

He took texts and emails he found between me and another guy, whom I was dating during a 9 month period where we’d broken up, and used that to berate me and call me a whore because even though we were BROKEN UP “we still meant something to each other and I shouldn’t have done it.”

He was so cruel. He’d put me down and make me cry, then mock me for it. Anytime I tried to defend myself he’d tell me he was the only thing standing between me and standing in line at the Salvation Army and to be careful how I spoke to him.

I was on my knees at one point, begging and crying for him not to leave me. I loved that man like a senseless fool.

Everything kind of blew up when I went to the beach for a day with a friend and he basically accused me of slutting my way up and down the coast.

It was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had reached the event horizon for my tolerance of emotional manipulation and abuse.

Huge argument ensued, we broke up. I got home and he’d already packed my s**t and I left right then.

I was homeless for a bit, but I had my dignity and self respect back.

#18 She was already married. We worked together at job you couldn’t wear rings. She hid it very well. I was the other guy. Found out when I proposed and had to tell me shes married.

Image source: anon, Kate Kjeldgaard

Edit: we worked as military aircraft mechanics. We were ‘together’ for about 9 months before I proposed.

#19 She wanted to go to Florida for the Disney college program. (She is a huuuge Disney nerd.) She was too scared she would lose me. I convinced her to do it because if she didn’t, she would regret it forever and that no matter what happened I would still be here for her. 6 months and an engagement ring later she told me that while in Florida she realized she didn’t love me like she thought she had. The ring is in a box in the back of a drawer in my dresser. Her worst fear came true. So did mine.

Image source: devildrugsguy420, Alena Darmel

#20 I didnt want any kids and I wanted to be allowed to work. He wanted a housewife and a large family. I was willing to settle on a compromise: 2 kids and I still got to work. He left me for it because I wouldn’t be exactly what he wanted. He married someone else later who did exactly what he wanted and he was miserable with her and was attempting to take a mutual friend as his mistress. I dodged a bullet.

Edit: for anyone curious I’m glad it ended this way. As much as I like other peoples kids with the amount I’ve changed since this relationship ended I’m glad I have none of my own. Kids are great but the older me is glad I dont have any. I would have left him and the kids eventually for various reasons and it’s better it ended before either marraige or children happened.

Image source: gothiclg

#21 She ended her own life last October.

It’ll have been a year since she died in six days.

Still breaks my heart. We were already engaged, but she was a very, very troubled woman.

E: I kinda just shot this post out because I was so certain nobody would notice, and I needed to vent. Been breaking down a lot now that I’m approaching the worst day in my life, but it’s good to know y’all out there reached out like this. Thanks, everyone.

Image source: Crackers1097

#22 My mom was dying. It was my last Thanksgiving with her. Without discussing it with me first, he had his mom buy him plane tickets to spend Thanksgiving with his parents, and asked if I wanted to go with him. No. I am not missing the last Thanksgiving I can ever spend with my mom. We will have our whole lives to spend Thanksgiving with your family after this. You’re leaving me to face this one alone, or to abandon my mother on her last Thanksgiving?

Image source: WooRankDown, RDNE Stock project

It was suddenly very clear (being happy to cancel wedding plans to do it later, and many other things) that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, but wouldn’t break up with me, because my mom was dying, and he was too nice a guy to dump his fiancée who’s mom was dying.

To his credit, we remained close friends, and he continued to be there as my best friend and emotional support through her death, and some months following. Although it was 8 years ago, we still chat/text a few times a year, and catch up on how our families are doing.

Edit: December 20^th, 2018. I just got a call telling me he died today. It was tragic; he was a kind person, and only 36. RIP, my friend.

#23 I moved across the world for him. He kept telling me “one day I want to propose.” Or “I can’t wait for you to be my wife.” That proposal never came, and I was having visa issues, so after a few years I gave up and moved back.

Image source: DoYouMindIfWe, Abdurrahim Israfilov

#24 I found out the guy was no longer working when I called to see why his paychecks hadn’t come in. (I handled the finances for us, and he kept saying his boss would be sending it.) It turned out he quit, and instead of telling me, spent the next few weeks pretending to work. Instead he started going to strip clubs on what little money he had hoarded.

Image source: ValNTine, Lukas

When I went to break it off with him, he punched his hand through the wall and lost his mind. By the time he finally calmed down, he had turned strangely morose. He looked at me and asked if we could have sex one last time.

My response : “No.”

Him after a long pause, sifting through his pockets and holding out a dollar bill. : “I’ll pay you a dollar to sleep with me. It’s all I have left.”

Needless to say, he left with a dollar in his pocket and no final goodbye.

EDIT : I can’t believe so many people read this! I honestly expected it to be passed over, so thank you all for taking the time and sharing your questions, comments, and well wishes. I’m sad to say while this instance was odd, I have a few more relationship stories that were even crazier. >.< Apparently, I know how to pick them. Hahahaha

For those that were concerned, the guy ended up doing alright. Anger management, lots of partying, and a few years passed before he found himself with a little one on the way. He’s quite happy and enjoying his newest addition. :3.

#25 We moved in together too young, and tried to be adults too fast. I should’ve known things were not going to work out when he tried to convince me to buy a house with him at 19. NINETEEN. (In Southern California. On two retail employees’ wages. Like, WHAT?!?)

We were high school sweethearts. He was smart and ambitious. But he also loved to spend money, and worked insane hours to try to make up the deficit. After we moved in together, his work schedule changed so I was working morning shifts, and would literally pass him in the driveway as he left for his night shifts. There would be several days in a row where we wouldn’t see each other, and when we did see each other we were too broke to do anything fun.

We went on a trip with his family after a big fight, where I begged him to not ask me to marry him. I told him I wasn’t sure how I felt anymore, I was unhappy, he seemed unhappy. I wasn’t stupid. I knew why he suddenly wanted to know my ring size. I hadn’t been happy for months, and had become a workaholic to try to keep up with the expenses.

I wanted to see if the vacation would bring a spark back into our relationship, then maybe we could work ourselves back into normalcy.

He didn’t listen, and asked me to marry him in front of his entire family and surrounded by strangers, hundreds of miles away from home. I was 21, and had no idea how to say no. Our engagement lasted 9 days, because that’s all I could stomach while thinking about spending my life with someone I wasn’t in love with.

I have no idea what he’s up to now, but I’ve found my soulmate so I’m peachy keen.

Image source: yesitisnicole