20 Dark Jokes That Might Make You Feel Guilty For Laughing At Them

If there’s anything funnier than regular humor, it’s got to be dark humor. There is something about twisted jokes that seem to attract people. Maybe if you scratch below the surface, some folks are drawn to the tinge of sadness, the absurdism, and the utter silliness of it all.

#1

“A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, ‘Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.'”

#2

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.”

#3

“Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!”

#4

“My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.”

#5

“My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.”

#6

“My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, ‘What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?'”

#7

“When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.”

#8

“My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. ‘She obviously has COVID’, my wife said. ‘Why?’ I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, ‘Because she has no taste.'”

#9

“My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.”

#10

“My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.”

#11

“I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re ‘being a respectful friend.’ Do it at home and you’re ‘destroying evidence.'”

#12

“Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.”

#13

“You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.”

#14

“My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.”

#15

“I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.”

#16

“Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. ‘My friend isn’t breathing,’ he shouts into the phone. ‘What should I do?’ ‘Relax,’ the operator tells him. ‘I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’ There’s silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, ‘OK, now what?'”

#17

“I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.”

#18

“The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.”

#19

“The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.”

#20

“Dark humour is like food, not everyone gets it.”