30 Amusing Airline Announcements That Lightened The Flight

Flying can generally be considered a tiresome chore to just get through and the best one can hope for is likely an uneventful flight. However, on occasion a few lucky people have had the pleasure of being charmed mid-flight by a pilot or a plane attendant with an elevated sense of humor and the experience has been pronounced extremely positive. Scroll below for some of the more amusing announcements plane passengers recall hearing and judge for yourself.

#1

“I’ve just been informed that my mother-in-law has just passed security and will be shortly boarding this flight using one of my crew passes. If you all sit down fast, we should be able to get out of here before she arrives.”

#2

“Hello and welcome to Alaska flight 438 to San Francisco. If you’re going to San Francisco, you’re in the right place. If you’re not going to San Francisco, you’re about to have a really long evening.”

#3

After a plane taxied for a long time: “If you look to your right that was the terminal we left an hour ago. I hope you enjoyed your tour of the airport. We should be leaving shortly.”

#4

“As we taxi out we’d like those passengers sat on the right side of the aircraft to press their faces against the window. We’d like to remind those other airlines what a full plane looks like.”

#5

“Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

#6

“Position your seat belt tight, low and across your hips, like my grandmother wears her support bra.”

#7

“For those of you traveling with your children – why? And for those of you that are traveling with two of your children, what in the world were you thinking?”

#8

“In case of an emergency landing, air masks will drop from the overhead compartments. Place the mask over your nose and mouth and adjust the straps on either side to secure it. If you are traveling with a small child, secure your mask first then assist them with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one child, decide which one has the most potential and assist that one first.”

Image source: chopp3r

#9

“For those of you wondering about the weather at our destination, Honolulu is reporting sunny skies and temperatures of 86 degrees. Unfortunately, our destination is Nome Alaska which is reporting 27 degrees below zero and blowing snow.”

#10

“We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”

#11

“If you need an additional reading light, just push the button above your head with the lightbulb on it. That’ll turn the light on. However, if you push the button above your head with the flight attendant on it, it does not turn us on.”

#12

“We are now going to dim the lights for take off. If you are scared of the dark or that the Bogey Man will get you, don’t worry, he only flies with American Airlines.”

#13

Pilot as the cabin lights are dimmed: “The lights are dim and you all are getting sleepy, very, very sleepy. You don’t need any assistance from your cabin crew. Sleep now. Zzzzzz.”

#14

“Pilot: “Ladies and gentlemen, I have a special announcement to make. Ben, my co-pilot, has just gone to use the in-flight potty for the first time in his flying career. When he comes out, please give him a round of applause!””

Image source: jerry111

#15

“Please refrain from smoking until you reach a designated smoking area, which, for California, is Las Vegas.”

#16

“America West (Operated by Mesa): “In the event of an emergency landing, lights on the floor will illuminate to guide you to the exit. Or you could just follow me because there’s no way any of you are beating me off this plane.””

Image source: NiftySwifty

#17

“This aircraft is equipped to land on water… Once.”

#18

In reference to oxygen masks: “Please help yourself before helping small children or politicians.”

#19

“That was a rough one. Since you all survived we expect you to keep all those promises you just made.”

#20

“We’ll be landing as soon as we get closer to the ground.”

#21

After a heavy landing the pilot announced, “As you may already know, we have hit our destination.”

#22

After a bumpy landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

#23

“Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don’t even try.”

#24

“Please make sure you take all your belonging with you. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please don’t leave children or spouses.”

#25

As the plane is taxiing to the gate the pilot announces, “We are currently recruiting people to clean the aircraft. If you wish to volunteer then please stand before we have come to a stop.”

#26

“Folks we will be arriving early today because we found a shortcut.”

Image source: utherwayn

#27

“When exiting the plane please watch out for the low overhead door. If you forget, please watch your language.”

#28

“Please notice that we are 10 minutes early. So the next time we are 2-3 hours late we’ll just call it even.”

#29

“Welcome to San Francisco, we hope you had a good flight and thank you for flying southwest – if you didn’t, my name is Bob and this is united”

Image source: airlust

#30

“Last one off the plane has to clean it!”