35 People Recall The Dumbest Things They Have Ever Heard

This list of contenders are vying for the coveted title of, dumbest things ever said. While the popular saying is, that no question is a dumb question, these particular applicants successfully prove otherwise. Found on an online Reddit discussion provoked by user u/Far-Bumblebee-1756, folks candidly recalled their most hilarious encounters when asked, “What’s the dumbest thing someone has said to you?”

#1

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I had a friend who got pregnant young (16 ish), and she was sobbing because she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her around the time they conceived. She was afraid she was carrying another womans baby. That was an odd one to explain to her.

#2

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After giving a coworker an aspirin after some time she came to me and said the medicine was useless the pain went away on its own.

#3

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I was at a register and the cashier was flirting with me, he asked me where I’m from? and I said England, then he said ‘oh what language do they speak there? And I replied English, the guy behind me in the queue started busting out laughing.

#4

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“Cheeseburger without cheese, without pickles, without onions, without ketchup, without mustard”

“Okay, so a plain hamburger?”

“NO I F*****G SAID _____”

Told them they ordered a plain hamburger and they could save money. I was informed that I was, in fact, stupid as s**t and they ordered cheeseburger________

So they got rung up cheeseburger without these and I never tried to help someone out in fast food again.

#5

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An ex of mine was feeling frisky but I was on my period. He asked why I didn’t just push out all the blood so we could get busy. I said “…what?”

Him: “Just bear down and push it out like you do when you pee. Women can do that.”

Me: “…no, we can’t. That’s not a thing.”

Him: “If you can do it when you pee, you can do it to get rid of your period. Women just use it as an excuse not to have s*x.”

I was so stunned I asked him to leave and broke it off with him the next day. Unbelievable.

#6

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Someone asked me: “what do you do with your glasses at night? Isn’t it difficult to sleep with glasses on?”

I told her I take my glasses off at night, and she seemed genuinely surprised that was an option. I’m surprised she didn’t ask me if I can see my dreams without glasses on.

#7

I was once asked by someone when they learned I was raised atheist “but, if you never read the Bible, what’s preventing you to m*rder and r*pe people ? You must not know what is right and what is wrong !”. They were genuinely amazed when I answered empathy, as if I’ve given them a truly goofy answer that somehow fits the bill.

Image source: yannichaboyer

#8

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I worked in a bank and someone was trying to cash a check for their grandfather who was “in the hospital”. I told him we couldn’t cash it without the grandfather there as the check was only made out to him and he picks up a dog and says “I have his permission to cash the check. See, this is his dog!” I was at a loss for words. I tried to keep a straight face while telling him that a dog was not a form of ID.

#9

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I am a veterinarian. My cousin is a child psychologist. Her literal words were “You just don’t know what its like when your patient can’t tell you what is wrong”.

#10

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“If you don’t agree with my political opinion you shouldn’t be allowed to vote”

umm…what?

#11

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I knew a girl in highschool who said she wanted to learn Spanish because “it’s like English but a different language”.

I think about this more often than I want to.

#12

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Once I had a friend who bet me $20 that a stop sign had six sides. Then three months later we were reminiscing and he remembered it wrong, bet another $20 that a stop sign had six sides, and lost again.

#13

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After my hair grew back after chemo my mom told me never to cut my hair like that again because I look like a boy 🤦‍♀️.

#14

Told my boss(after 3 years chasing a raise) that I either needed to be paid better or I was going to leave. He replied, “If you’re just going to leave, why should we give you a raise?”

Also had a customer who thought filling one tire would somehow distribute air to all four.

Image source: suburbanhavoc

#15

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I emailed a receptionist ‘a label to print out and attach to the box to return it’.

She called me because no glue was on the back when she printed it…

When I suggested tape, she was so grateful.

#16

Image source: SoySandunga, romanzaiets

Maybe not the dumbest, but it’s up there. I had this ultra catholic coworker. I myself was raised catholic, but I rarely go to church and don’t consider myself very religious. A couple of years ago, a cousin of mine with special needs fell very ill and was in the hospital. My naive a*s told said catholic coworker, so she could keep him in her prayers, I said to her “he doesn’t deserve to suffer, he’s just an innocent child” to which she replied “Jesus didn’t deserve to suffer in the cross either” with this smirk on her face. My jaw dropped on the floor. I’ve f*****g hated her ever since.
Thankfully my cousin recovered and is doing well.

#17

Image source: Moist_When_It_Counts, karlyukav

I once got accepted for a job (US Army!) that required paper docs in triplicate to be submitted for Direct Deposit.

I emailed back one .pdf file of the document.

HR demanded I send 2 more .pdf copies.

#18

Image source: Jackieirish, Sadie Hernandez / flickr

I was working retail and counting down my drawer (making sure the cash total was correct with the receipts). I came across an unbelievably shiny penny. Someone had either just gotten it from the bank or, perhaps more likely, broken it out of a set because they realized a penny is never going to be worth more than a penny in their lifetime. Anyway, I held it up to my assistant manager and remarked:

Wow. What a shiny penny.

She replied:

Oh my God! Do you think it’s counterfeit?!

. . . why would anyone ever go to the trouble and expense of counterfeiting a penny? At most, for all of your labors, efforts, and investments you’ve got . . . a penny.

#19

Image source: Immediate_Loan_1414, freepik

Not directly to me, but overheard my former stepdad telling his daughter that phone cases really weren’t necessary, you just shouldn’t ever drop your phone. It’s like saying you don’t need airbags, just don’t get into an accident.

#20

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A former friend was once telling me that her sister was having a cake made for her daughter’s birthday by a bakist. I didn’t know what she meant so made a face, she said “you know, like a bakist or a bakerist”.

She meant a baker. So close.

#21

“How can climate change be real when it’s snowing?”

-US Congressman.

Image source: SqigglyPoP

#22

Years ago when I was on dating apps, a guy wanted to hook up and I declined. Then he told me I was a wh-re because I was gonna die a virgin.

A for effort? Jk! That is my favorite “insult” I have received to this day!

Image source: turquoisecat45

#23

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“Food is so expensive. Why do we even need farmers?”.

#24

I was talking to a coworker on a road crew about the university degree I was doing and what I could do with it (majored in religion, international studies, and Spanish). He asked “oh do you want to become a pope?” I am a woman. And not Catholic. When I pointed that out he said “oh you could become First Lady!”.

Image source: Angharadis

#25

Why do they put the deer crossing signs on such a busy road. Why can’t the deer cross on like back roads.

Image source: mdcloud2

#26

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Was reading the Diary of Anne Frank in middle school, aloud as a class over the course of a few weeks. When we got to the part where they celebrate Hanukkah, one of my classmates blurted out, “Wait, are they Jewish?”.

#27

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I wasn’t born in England, but that was where I was living when I learned to talk and until age 13.

So, here I am, an American, living in Texas, from Texas, with a British accent.

Which of course, requires explaining why I have the accent to EVERYONE I met from the age of 13 through the age of 35—when it finally faded away…mostly…it comes and goes here and there.

So, I was 23 years old, in college, and working as a delivery driver. I explained why I had the accent to my coworkers, because a guy who was born in Texas, living most of his life in Texas, having a British accent requires explaining your backstory to everyone you work with.

While standing in a Pizza Hut in the middle of Texas, a coworker asks, ‘Can you say something in English?’.

I asked what he meant, and he said, ‘Oh, that’s right, you said it’s a British accent. So can you say something in British?’.

#28

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‘Do you have internet over there?’ I was in a chatroom (2004..) talking with a 20+ yo canadian man.

#29

I’m from England and moved to America. Someone once said my English is really good and asked what they speak in England.

Image source: SpongebobStrapon

#30

I don’t know about whether it’s the dumbest but it’s one that lives rent free in my head. I live in a coastal city. We have a beautiful harbour walkway with a cruise-ship terminal near by. I was sitting on a bench having a coffee near the boat docks when a couple of tourists from a cruise-ship sat down and asked me how far about sea level the city was.

I kind of paused for a moment and looked at the water and said probably about 1 to 2 feet. They were super offended by my answer and called me a smart a*s. Went on about how if I didn’t know the answer, I should just say so.

These people who got off an ocean cruise at a port city thought I was putting them on when I said we were one or two feet about sea level while sitting on a bench looking out at the ocean. I don’t know why but that interaction has always stuck in my head.

Image source: monkey_monkey_monkey

#31

A woman asked me if I was ___ (I don’t remember the name) and I said no.

She said oh you look like him. He was a Buddhist monk i met when I was traveling, but he died.

*but he died*

Yeah that’s me, the dead guy… she wasn’t joking lol.

Image source: creptik1

#32

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In an office that was low on paper: “Just put a blank page in the copier and make more.”.

#33

“you’re not a real mom if you’re only going to have two kids” I was told by my mother in law a day after popping out my second child in less than a year and a half…. A woman who didn’t raise any of her 6 kids and left them to man who was not even biologically father to half of them 😀.

Image source: better_endeavors