25 Unforgettably Dumb 911 Calls, According To Dispatchers

Most emergency calls are from people desperately seeking help to get out of unfavourable situation. However, according to dispatch workers there comes the odd call where some individuals use the number for the silliest of reasons. Whether it be a clueless person, entitled person or a light-hearted prankster, some 911 calls are understandably unforgettable, according to the responses on this Reddit thread.

#1 I was doing IT work at a dispatch center when a 911 call came in from a woman who said that she came home and heard a burglar upstairs. This was in a small town that doesn’t get much crime. The town sent 5 of their own cops plus they requested mutual aid from two neighboring towns.

Image source: dartdoug, Jan Antonin Kolar / unsplash (not the actual photo)

A total of about 10 officers cordoned off the area and set up a perimeter. Cops went into the house looking for the burglar.

They found that the noise was caused by a ROOMBA that got trapped in a closet. The vacuum was banging against the walls and the closet door trying to escape.

No arrests were made that day. Fortunately, no one was injured, either.

#2 When I first started, one of the first calls I took was for a gentleman who stated “My butt sucked my vibrator all the way in, and I can’t s**t, uh…. sorry, I mean I can’t poop it out.” He was right. Medics aren’t going to try and fish it out, so off to the hospital he went.

Image source: Nevadadrifter, Yassine Khalfalli / unsplash (not the actual photo)

As a newbie, I remember thinking that must be a one in a million call. 20+ years in, I’ve learned that it’s not. In fact “things stuck in the butt” calls are fairly common.

#3 “Can you guys move the deer crossing signs? I’ve hit four deer now and it’s just really dangerous for them to be crossing over such a busy highway”.

Image source: emyahlee, Jay Galvin / flickr (not the actual photo)

#4 Girlfriend is a dispatcher and she has a ton of dummies calling in. Her most wholesome call was a little boy called to ask if they had his uncles phone number because he had just gotten a turtle and really wanted to tell his uncle.

Image source: Pazuzu_likes_pudding, Gaelle Marcel / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#5 When they released our city’s stupidest 911 calls a few years ago, this was one:

Image source: Not_A_Wendigo, Laura College / unsplash (not the actual photo)

There’s a deer in my yard. (A weekly occurrence here)

What is it doing?

*It’s looking at me.*.

#6 I had a woman call and tell me a UFO had landed in her driveway. I was a little taken aback so I asked her to describe it while I dispatched officers using her exact wording.

Image source: cycleindiana, NOAA / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Of course officers scoffed but still went en route. She said there was a silver metallic object that came out of the sky and landed in her drive. Officers arrived on scene and there was a silver metallic object in her driveway .. it was dark out at this time so they approached it and found it to be a weather balloon. So it could actually be classed as a UFO. It had instructions on how to return it so officers returned it a few days later.

#7 A couple of nights ago I was sleeping and heard “911 what’s your emergency?” “Hello?” I lift my head to see what was happening. My cat was laying on my phone and somehow managed to dial 911. I explained my cat stepped on the phone and called them accidentally. She just laughed and said goodnight.

Image source: lnvisibIeSouI, Emre Akyol / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#8 She got shampoo in her eye while showering. She rinsed it out, and her vision was unaffected, but it, like, *really* stung for a minute. She was 27 and could not be talked out of having paramedics dispatched. When the medics got there, they couldn’t talk her out of going to the hospital.

Image source: jemmo_, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

She was fine, at least until she got word from her insurance company that they weren’t going to pay for her “frivolous and unnecessary” ambulance ride.

#9 Not dispatch, but I used to field emergency court in the U.K. Emergency court is 24-hour walk-in, strictly for cases that can’t wait to be heard in regular court – deportation, life support, emergency custody. Serious stuff.

Image source: anon, Tatyana Rubleva / unsplash (not the actual photo)

That did not dissuade some dude from turning up and demanding that we stop his neighbour’s cat from ‘trespassing’ on his land though. He ended up being fined later for repeatedly calling 999 over it.

#10 Not a 911 dispatcher, but similar.

Image source: chitty__BANG, Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I received a call from a man saying he needed police out to his house, but he wouldn’t tell me where he was. He said he needed to be restrained, but would not tell me a reason why other than he was a bad man. He kept telling me he needed wrist and leg restraints and a hood over his face. In my mind, I thought he was going to hurt someone or already had, so I stayed on the line to figure out what was going on with him. He then told me to tell him he was a bad man and deserved to be restrained. He would say “tell me I’m a bad man. Tell me I’m a terrible person, who needs to be punished.” Then…it hit me. I spent 30 minutes on the line with a dude trying to live out his BDSM fantasy. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it sooner.

#11 Older brother’s friend is/was (can’t remember) a 911 dispatcher. One call was from a very angry (presumably) white, conservative mom who caught her son engaging in homosexual activities with his friend. She said she needed the police to “beat some sense into him.” The dispatcher did send the police, but to have a talk with the mom.

Image source: fierydumpster, Pablo Merchán Montes / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#12 “I need someone to help me take the lasagna out of the oven, I have no mitts”.

Image source: Janski_Banski, Kristine Tumanyan / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#13 Not a dispatch but One time my parents were out on a date and I called the police because my brothers were pulling my hair. I guess on the phone I sounded like I was screaming so the police showed up at my house just as my parents got home. I got in trouble.

Image source: kamobad, Annie Spratt / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#14 Medic here. I worked with a medic who moved to dispatch and he called 911 himself one evening while off duty because he was trapped in a room with a crazy cat outside the door. he couldn’t leave the room or the car would attack him. he was crying and desperate when he called it in. for the next 4 years or so we would “meow” periodically on the radio when he was working.

Image source: itsYourLifeCoach, shubham wankhede / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#15 There was a lion in the backyard but they didnt realize its a plush.

Image source: SquirtleReddit, Arleen wiese / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#16 I work for an agency in a somewhat developed area but still has lots of woods between developed areas.

Image source: HelpfulSpray4, Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Get a call for a fox running loose in a parking lot in a strip mall next to one of the aforementioned wooded areas. The caller saw a fox on the side of the parking lot chased it down and cornered it in the parking lot then used his jacket to trap it. We get there and he was like “I saw this fox and I caught it what should I do?” And we were like “ dude, let it go and stop bothering the wildlife” he reluctantly lets it go.

To this day I think that he was so proud of himself for catching that fox that he called the police department to brag about it since there was no one else that saw it.

#17 I once called as a teenager because the power was out and I wanted to know if it would be on soon. In my defense I kept exotic reptiles that require very specific temperatures and it was winter. I was concerned for their health.

Image source: Omega_art, Kelly Sikkema / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#18 A guy called because an injured bear was in his front yard for “a few hours”. It was a giant landscaping boulder that had been there for years.

Image source: oneofthesesigns, Martti Salmi / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#19 Some dude called us to make a “serious complaint” i asked him what was the problem and he said “They gave me like a medium size worth of fries and I asked for large” I was confused and I asked if this was a prank call. He said no. Dude was really pissed of that he didn’t get all his fries.

Image source: limp-dicc05, Nathan Dumlao / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#20 Not a dispather, but firefighter. We were called out to a residence one very frosty morning mid winter during a very long cold snap…because the homeowner couldn’t open his front door and was unable to get out to get to work. We drove up, I got out, ready to force the door open, but tried it first. It opened with minimal effort (frozen a bit). I opened the door and called out “Fire department. Did you still need us?” He was so embarassed and it was hilarious.

Image source: gorammitMal, Tavi White / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#21 There are so so many in 9 years as a dispatcher. I once had an old guy call durring the last government shut down wanting to know if his cable was out because of the shutdown.

Image source: bigred49342, Callum Hill / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Then there are the infinite number of Karen’s calling in to report suspicious activity in their neighborhood, its always exactly the same, there’s someone walking In their neighborhood that doesn’t belong and they want them removed. When I press for more details they dance arround the answer. I always made sure to make them say on the recorded line it was because they were black. If you’re gonna be a racist POS I’m gonna make you admit it out loud. Usually it winds up being their neighbor whose a heart surgeon or lawyer.

I’ve had people call because their neighbors blew leaves or grass clippings onto their lawn and want them arrested. I had another call because it was raining and their yard was flooding and they were pissed off. Ma’am we can’t control the weather. The list goes on and on.

#22 In the UK a woman in her 60s called the police because she was watching a live WWE show where two wrestlers (HHH and Stone Cold Steve Austin) were beating up The Rock.

Image source: kitjen, Senad Palic / unsplash (not the actual photo)

She later said she knows it’s all just a show but thought those two pesky bad guys had genuinely decided to attack The Rock.

It’s still real to her, dammit.

#23 Not a dispatcher, but someone as a 3yr old who called 911 that my dad went to work and that I miss my dad (I stuck to him like a magnet as a little kid). I’m assuming why I called 911 was probably because I only knew those 3 numbers on the phone and seeing that you can talk to people on it. Thinking back, I feel soo bad for doing that. According to my mom, the cops did show up at our house just to check what was up.

Image source: happyajammeraj, Tadeusz Lakota / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#24 I had a guy call 911 and wanted to report that a woman had stolen his money. We were swamped that night so I kept him on the line trying to get further information.

Image source: cycleindiana, Pablo Merchán Montes / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Upon asking a few more questions about the woman and her description it was obvious he was describing a prostitute. He then began to cry and begged me to not judge him for hiring a prostitute. I promised him I wouldn’t judge him and I would send him an officer as soon as we had one available. He hung up and I pended the call as the woman was no longer on scene. He called back on 911 less than a minute later and proceeded to want to talk about his hiring a prostitute until officers arrived. My partner and I continued to pick up his call after we had to place him on hold several times to take other 911 calls during the 15 minute period it took for officers to get to him. He ended up getting arrested for disorderly conduct that night as he was extremely intoxicated and decided he wanted to have a go at the officers when they arrived.

#25 I don’t know if this story counts but I know someone who had to be rushed to hospital because she accidentally swallowed her false teeth whilst eating fried chicken (and here’s the doozy) DIDN’T NOTICE until she got another piece of chicken and tried to bite into it with her gums. And entire set of false teeth. She had to call an ambulance to take her to the hospital because when she called family members to ask them, they didn’t believe her because it was so ridiculous.

Image source: anon, Diana Polekhina / unsplash (not the actual photo)