‘Anti-Bucket List’: 25 Things People Would Never Do Again

The one and only time I bungee jumped I was incredibly excited about this exciting new experience. After going through with it however, and suffering this all-consuming fear of crashing to my death, I thought I would never ever put myself in such a situation again, ever, period. 

#1 Not taking care of my teeth. Seriously guys, Brush Your F*****g Teeth.

Image source: jembutbrodol, Miriam Alonso / pexels (not the actual photo)

#2 Swim in the Dead Sea. Don’t do it, fam, it’s not worth the risk of TOO MUCH SALT in any opening in your body.

Image source: nopingmywayout, Rhett Noonan / unspalsh (not the actual photo)

Scratched your arm too hard? SALT. Blinked at the moisture in the air? SALT. Spread your legs while having a p*ssy? GUESS, F*****G GUESS. Oh, and here’s the fun part, once your tender bodily orifices start burning like the fires of hell from SALT, you *will* start thrashing around because AAAAAA GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT. And that *will* splash water everywhere, causing more tender bodily orifices to get tainted with SALT. By the time you make it back to shore everything will be on fire, and it will take a long, long time to wash all that SALT out. The Dead Sea: not even once.

#3 Get pregnant. Labor’s not so bad, I can do that. It’s the 9 months before and the 4 years after that I won’t do again for love nor money.

Image source: Kylynara, Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo)

#4 A cruise. Average to below average food, watered down drinks, claustrophobic on the ship, contributing to an ecological nightmare, crammed in a boat with hundreds if not thousands of other people, stressful suboptimal excursions…an overall expensive nightmare I have no desire to ever repeat.

Image source: Pete_Sweenis

#5 Spend time trying to get people to see why I’m worthwhile to be friends with.

Image source: OhMyGodBearIsDriving, Min An / pexels (not the actual photo)

#6 Date a man that follows Andrew Tate and his comrades in misogyny. The men’s rights online coalition and ideology is a problem for all genders.

Image source: BetterCatastrophe, Anything Goes With James English / wikipedia

#7 Cave crawling.

Image source: Gotcha-bitch_69, Christopher Politano / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I’ve done walking cave tours since this story I’m gonna tell, no problem. What I’m talking about is laying on my stomach and sliding through gaps in caves that look too small for a house cat to slip through. The one that made me reconsider caving as a hobby was a professional cave club tour, but not one advertised to the public because it was so demanding and specialized. I felt really comfortable with the two leads despite some minor claustrophobia because they were highly recommended by the club. I had little pings of fear here and there but the leaders were so comforting that it was adding to the experience rather than taking away from it.

We were probably a quarter mile crawl (no place to even fully get on your hands and knees let alone stand and stretch) one group leader in front and one in back to insure our group was sandwiched by experienced guys. Anyway, the leader was in front of me, two of my group behind me then the 2nd leader. The guy behind me got legitimately stuck and started grabbing and scratching at my legs and feet which sent me into a full blown panic, the third guy got kicked in the nose and lip which pissed him off and caused him try to leave, but this is literally a perfect human sized tunnel so no one could urn around, plus the 2nd leader was behind him blocking him in, causing him to freak out as well. After a solid ten minutes of yelling and kicking at each other, the leaders got us to quiet down enough so they could make a plan. I crawled ahead another 200 feet or so with the 1st lead to a wider gap where we could both get on our hands and knees and turn around, ten minutes ago this big gap would’ve been a god send, in that moment though I was so panicked it didn’t matter, I might as well have been buried alive. Anyway, the lead left me and crawled back to help pull the stuck guy through, but couldn’t because he was just too big. The two guys in the back had to crawl all the way out, sliding backwards since they couldn’t turn around head first, then the 2nd leader crawled all the way back to pull the stuck guy out. Obviously I immediately agreed to leave when I was told the guys were pulling out and silently cried all the way back.

I have never been so genuinely terrified in my life, it’s an indescribable feeling. Imagine every drop of adrenaline your body can produce being pumped through you but not being able to crawl more than four or five feet per minute, soaking wet, covered in stinky mud, freezing cold yet sweat is burning your eyes but your arms are stretched out so far forward so you can only use your dirty finger tips to swipe it away. It was like one of those nightmares where you’re trying to run and scream but your legs don’t work and your scream for help comes out silent.

I’m glad I did something that scared me that deeply though I’m not sure why lol. It was just a little too close to a real disaster for me. I’ll base jump in a squirrel suit before I cave crawl like that again.

#8 Assume that every co worker is a friend.

Image source: Sweet_Kelly_69, Annie Spratt / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#9 Attempting to catch escaping Goslings. They have a lovely nest in a large pen with Momma but so far they’ve escaped and got stuck somewhere else 4 times. 4 times today and it’s only 1pm.

Image source: alwaysexplainli5, Krzysztof Kowalik / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Every rescue risks genuine injury from Mum who despite me returning her babies every time and then feeding/watering the family – still tries to kill me for helping.

F*cking Geese Man.

#10 Accidentally eat poorly cooked chicken teriyaki in a strange city far from home the night before an early flight.

Image source: throw123454321purple

#11 I once tried to impress a date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu. I’ll never again pretend my taste buds can handle what they clearly can’t. Lesson learned: ghost peppers aren’t a substitute for personality!

Image source: emiiejane_, emy / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#12 Buy a place with an HOA .. if I do that again. Someone kick me. Hard.
It wouldn’t so bad if they weren’t such *a*s-douches*.

Image source: Eat_Carbs_OD

#13 I will never have another wedding in my life. If my husband and I divorced, I’m positive I would stay single. I’m not expecting to divorce him. But if I did, I don’t ever want to try it again. One and done. If it doesn’t work with him, I won’t bother ever trying again.

Image source: free-toe-pie, Leonardo Miranda / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#14 Attend a massive event. I was at Obama’s inauguration in 2008, I went to college nearby and thought it would be cool to be a part of.

Image source: coombuyah26, Samantha Gades / unsplash (not the actual photo)

It was freezing cold, and many people weren’t ready for that. I was, but I wasn’t ready for the realities of 2.5 million people descending on a city with a population of 600k. No food, no water, no restrooms, no shelter, no room to move at all, nowhere to sit down after hours on end of standing and walking. Trash everywhere, subway stations were a claustrophobic’s nightmare, people were fainting from dehydration. I ended up walking over 4 miles over the Potomac to Virginia to catch a train home. Ended up being an exhausting 12 hour day. It’s cool to say I was there but I’ll never put myself in a crowd that size again.

#15 Mardi Gras and the Kentucky Derby. Everyone should do them once but if you do them more than once something is wrong with you.

Image source: Hot_Week3608, Infrogmation / wikipedia (not the actual photo)

#16 Go to Vegas. The disconnect between the lights and flashiness and the poor and homeless begging was unsettling. Plus it’s way too hot there for me.

Image source: Rainebaelia, Julian Paefgen / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#17 Get a puppy. I love this little demon but I’m not doing this again. I’ll adopt some 7 year old lazy mutt.

Image source: yaknowit90, Maria Rosenberg / pexels (not the actual photo)

#18 Drinking. Honestly life is funner without the alcohol involved, and it’s not fun as you get older.

Image source: dooperkariobumshine, Michael Discenza / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#19 Hopefully chemotherapy.

Image source: HarrySatchel, Ivan Samkov / pexels (not the actual photo)

#20 New York City on New Years Eve.

Image source: fr3nch13702

#21 Go to disney – OMG what a waste of time and money.

Image source: shonuff2653, Dylan Bman / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#22 Live with someone.

Dogs, cats, reptiles, rodents? Hell yes. All fine.

A human being? No f*****g thanks.

Image source: iheartkittttycats

#23 Hostels! I’m very glad they exist as cheap options for young people, exactly how I experienced them, but I’m now happy to close that chapter of my life lol. Extra privacy, extra cleanliness, and extra comfort are vastly more worth it to me now and fortunately I can afford that!

Image source: Ffleance, Shobhit Sharma / unsplash (not the actual photo)

#24 Dating a woman who says she loves you 4 days into the relationship. To any guy or girl reading this, please use it as a warning. The only thing that’ll come out of a relationship like that is trouble.

Image source: Jackhammer008, Katerina Holmes / pexels (not the actual photo)

#25 I live in LA so I have routine access to Universal, Disney, Six Flags, Knotts, etc.

Image source: id_death, Aditya Vyas / unsplash (not the actual photo)

I will never go to a park in the summer.

It’s 100F. Kids aren’t in school so it’s packed. You stand in the sun for hours for a 30 second ride.

My dad is coming this weekend and wanted to go to Disney. I flat out refused. We’ll go in November.