25 Key Relationship Lessons People Have Learned Over Time

Relationships, whether they end in heartbreak or happily ever after, always leave us with valuable lessons. Recently, someone posed a simple yet profound question on Reddit: “What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from a relationship?” As expected, the responses came flooding in, offering a mix of wisdom, personal growth, and hard-earned advice.

#1

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Once someone feels comfortable being abusive towards you, that will never change no matter how much you try.

#2

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An apology is not words but a change in behavior.

#3

Image source: 12345_PIZZA, Drew Rae

My wife died after only 10 years of marriage, so my lesson is that a long life together isn’t promised. Don’t take anything for granted. Cherish the moments you’ve got.

#4

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You can do everything right and still lose.

#5

Image source: throwaway_202010, Ketut Subiyanto

People can say the sweetest things to you, and absolutely mean them, *in the moment.* But moments are fleeting.

#6

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You shouldn’t always have to beg for someone to give you attention.

#7

Don’t go back. You broke up for a reason.

Image source: schpreck

#8

If you tell your partner they’ve hurt you, and they respond by arguing rather than apologizing and changing their behavior, get out.

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#9

Image source: hellno_ahole, Pixabay

People tell you who they are, you just gotta be listening.

#10

Image source: Odd-Soup-7165, Pixabay

Sometimes it just doesn’t work, and that’s fine. You don’t have to hate each other, talk s**t, or blow things out of proportion just because it’s easier that way.
Things don’t work and that’s ok.

#11

Image source: thenewtbaron, Git Stephen Gitau

Don’t be or stay in the relationship for potential. Be there and realize the reality that exists.
I just got out of one that I stayed in WAY too long because I kept betting on potential, even though the person kept showing me who they were.

I learned to do boundaries and how to actually put them up in an honest way. Granted, she kept trying to bulldoze them but I stayed pretty well strong but she didn’t much like that. Shrug. I learned quite a bit and grew quite a bit, i got to go on fun adventures and became a better person…. she wasted her time and the opportunities, and she was where she was at the beginning, no real growth. I don’t know what is going on with her life but I would guess it has gone downhill based on some of the people in her life that I have talked to a while ago.

not my monkeys, not my circus.

#12

If the relationship is hurting you, you can leave at any time you’re safely able to do so.

Those last five words are the most important.

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#13

Image source: SeparateMixture2206, Andrew Neel

Writing this comment feel therapeutic and I’m only just starting. For me it is basically sunken cost fallacy in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to leave a relationship that isn’t working just because you have spent time in it. If it isn’t working, it isn’t working and you will only waste more time. If you’re not happy, give yourself the opportunity to find a situation where you can be happy. It is okay to give up on an unhealthy relationship.

#14

Image source: Positivevibesorbust, Ivan Samkov

Never get complacent. Show em how much you care every chance you get.

#15

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It’s like a plant: if you tend to it, water it, feed it, and give it sunlight, it will thrive. If you leave it in the corner, neglect it, and don’t give it any of your time and effort, it will wither and die.

#16

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If there is a red flag, be cautiously optimistic. If there are 34709 red flags, get the f**k out. I was in love with the thought of being in my first real relationship and ignored everything that I should have paid attention to.

#17

There’s worse things than being alone.

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#18

Image source: thatshotshot, cottonbro studio

Oh gosh so many of them. May cry just thinking about some haha.

You cannot change someone. You cannot cure someone of their addiction and you cannot “love it out of them”. They must choose the help and do the work.

If you do not have clear boundaries with your in laws as a unified front, you will forever be a lost cause relationship. You both have to step up and support the relationships for both of you with both your parents and the in-laws as well.

Love languages are great to know but if you can’t love someone in the way they need to feel loved, then what are you doing? If all the ways I want to love you aren’t the way you receive it, what am I doing? Learn how they *want* to be loved, not how you think they should be loved. Meet them there.

Everyone comes with baggage. It’s ok (and not a failure) to say I can and will no longer tolerate your actions that are related to your baggage out of an abundance of protection for yourself and your mental health.

Bring a complete self to the relationship. Have your own hobbies and life. Make sure they do too. Don’t stop doing those hobbies because of them.

There’s more I’m sure… I might be back lol.

#19

Image source: Slut4H20, Serkan Göktay

Don’t stick around with someone who doesn’t Make you happy, satisfy you or meet your needs. It’s better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone

After my last relationship ended, I decided to stop looking for happiness in other people. I was single for 6 years and quit having casual sex. I worked on myself, and learned to be happy on my own. Then, suddenly and unexpectedly I met my current partner, and we recently got engaged. I wasn’t seeking her out, she just happened to come at the right time and the 6 years I spent being single and finding my own happiness, allowed me to become more desirable and a healthier partner. You won’t find it if you’re looking for it. Just worry about yourself and be open to spending some time alone and find peace in that.

#20

No answer is also an answer. If you want an answer from your partner and they cannot give that to you, it is often your cue to decide how to proceed.

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#21

Image source: lonster1961, Marcelo Chagas

Whoever loves the least controls the relationship.

#22

Learn when to cut your losses. Relationships should be a rewarding two-way street. Anything less is not a relationship. There’s only so much “work” you can put into something before you have to let go.

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#23

That I never want to be in another one.

I prefer to have my own space. I don’t want to be answerable to anyone in my personal life. I don’t want to share anything or consider anyone’s desires and needs other than my own.

Selfish? Yes, but only because I’m so selfless that when I am in a relationship I devote myself to that man and I eventually begin to resent him for allowing me to run myself ragged trying to ensure everything is as he likes it and anticipate his needs and desires.

I’ve finally realized that I’m mentally and emotionally happier and more satisfied when I’m single.

Image source: MonitorOfChaos

#24

Chemistry doesn’t equal compatibility, wit/intelligence don’t equal maturity, if similar values/beliefs aren’t aligned it’s doomed, a pretty face doesn’t trump red flags, bad communication will bite you, don’t date potential/people shouldn’t be projects, if someone sleeps around while having few to no relationships, they’re likely emotionally unavailable/have a hard time getting close/will sabotage, men might move fast just to sleep with you or to test your restraint/loyalty/if you’re relationship material, bad relations with family will show you the sort of partner they’ll be. Took me a long time to learn all this the hard way but better late than never.

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#25

Image source: Vivienne1973, MART PRODUCTION

You cannot change a person.