25 Parenting Disasters Caused By Extreme Helicopter Behavior

Helicopter parenting—a term that describes parents who hover over their children, closely monitoring and often controlling every aspect of their lives—has been a topic of debate for years. While these parents may have had the best intentions, their constant involvement often leads to strained relationships as their children grow into adulthood. Recently, someone on Reddit posed the question, “Adult children of helicopter parents, how do you deal with them now?”

#1

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Politely yet firmly remind my otherwise lovely mother that it is my business if I have soda in my refrigerator, and if it really bothers her she doesn’t have to visit my house. She knows she’s pretty imperfect and has gotten a lot better, but given that her parents were alcoholics it’s not surprising that the only way she knows how to love someone is by trying to control them. My parents divorced when I was 10, and, while I spent roughly half my time with each parent, my dad decided he wasn’t going to be bothered with instilling any sort of discipline in me or my brother, so my mom, feeling she needed to compensate for that, turned into the kind of parent who would email my high school teachers every single day to see if I had turned in all my assignments, track keystrokes on my computer, and not allow me to have a password on my phone or take it into my room until I started paying my own phone bill. I didn’t talk to her for a few years, but now I get where she was coming from and I don’t blame her for who she is, even if it’s annoying. The best way to deal with it is to understand why it’s there and politely confront it.

#2

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When I was a child my mother went to “drop me off” at a sleepover, she ended up sleeping on their couch, then waking us all up at 4 AM and demanded that I leave with her, because “her accommodations weren’t up to standard”

I ended up joining the navy.

#3

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My husband deals with this with his mother. We make decisions as a married couple then later every thing changes after they talk to each other. Even situations dealing with our daughter, like I have no say even when he and I were on the same page before decisions were put into action. He is so desperate to please his mom he turns his back on me. When I confront him he blames me for causing drama or being petty. IDK his mom acts like she is his wife and he lets it happen. It grosses me out.

#4

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They tried to ground me after I came back from serving in the Marine Corps. Tried to take the keys to the car I own and prevent me from getting an education.

Told my Mom she can pound dirt and my Dad that if he didn’t fix himself and nut up to my overbearing Mom. I’d never talk to the two of them again. Got in my car and drove off was homeless for a minute until I got enough for an apartment.

You’d think that me moving out and being homeless instead of living with them would be the thing that made things click.

No. About a year after my move out. I’d reconnected with my family and agreed to take my mom to her aerobics class one day since her car was in the shop.

Well I drive about ten minutes before she lays into me about my life choices etc. I pulled the car over looked at her and said. “Get out” she looked stunned. I just repeated myself and added “Now.”

She got out. I drove off to my apartment played some CSGO and she got her much needed exercise.

#5

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Growing up with very strict, fundamentalist southern baptist parents, along with being the oldest and the only girl was quite a trip. Things got really crazy when I hit puberty, around 11 or 12…

*I was not allowed to wear anything other than skirts and dresses that went below my knee

*My mom picked out my clothes for me until the 11th grade

*I was not allowed to date or even be alone with boys (jokes on my parents, I’ve had a girlfriend for years under their nose)

*No music was allowed in the house besides SOME contemporary Christian and hymns (This REALLY killed me because I LOVE music and anytime I had CDs or merch, my parents would burn them and call it the devil’s music)

*I was not allowed to have a phone or use the internet until I moved out

* I was not allowed to watch TV by myself, even at 16, 17, years of age

*I could only read approved books from the christian section of the library and the Bible (of course)

*I did LOTS of chores

*Doors were not allowed to be closed, except for at night when my parents locked me in my room

*My parents handled all my money and used it as they pleased

* I could only have friends over, I was never allowed to go anywhere

*I was subject to full body and room searches at anytime, including my journals and other personal things

How do I deal with them now? After I moved out I came out as gay and agnostic, dyed my hair blue, got several piercings, BOUGHT A PHONE, and listened to whatever the f***k I wanted too (mostly punk/emo/metal). My parents still visit me and try to got through my things or question me about all the “satanic” band symbols on my walls, and recently my mom went through my medicine cabinet, but I have found that a respectful but firm “No” and a reminder that I am an adult now always helps. I pick and choose my battles, though, because I have younger siblings and I still want to have a relationship with them, something my parents have tried to take away many times.

#6

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I came here from the Soviet Union when I was 7, and my parents were super over-protective and assumed the worst out of every situation, probably due to trauma from what life was like over there. I wasn’t allowed to have a sleep over at any friend’s house. Getting anyone to come over to my house basically required them to have a background check. I never got any privacy, because between my parents and grandparents, someone was home 100% of the time. I wasn’t allowed to go on longer field trips (like the school trip to DC, and an elementary school to Medieval Times). Most school trips I did go on, my mom insisted on chaperoning. I got my first taste of freedom when I got a driver’s license and a car. I could make up little white lies about where I was and driving allowed me to go wherever I wanted. When I got to college, I made sure to live on campus and not at home, despite going to a school in-state. My mom tried calling/stalking me every single day, and I just decided enough was enough. I didn’t answer the phone for 2 months, and even though my mom is still way too helicopter-ish, it has been much better since then. Back at home, since I was a kid, I wasn’t allowed to have a game console, but I was allowed to have basically unlimited use of the computer — so I spent most of my time messing with it, and being on the Internet. I became active on a bunch of web forums, learned how to code, how to use Linux, etc… since I wasn’t allowed to do much in the real world. I ended up majoring in IT, eventually getting a job in technology on a winning Presidential campaign, then at Amazon working on cloud computer, and I now travel the world for this job, so all things considered, it turned out pretty well in the end.

#7

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My parents weren’t. But a friend moved to a different state and got engaged and my friend’s mom still managed to be a helicopter parent. Visiting at least 3 times a month and contacting either her or her SO constantly. It ruined the engagement because the SO finally had enough because even though my friend was annoyed with her mom as well, she couldn’t cut her mom off completely… Idk all the details but it must have been superrr annoying if someone was like “I love you, but f**k having in-laws like this.” She is now single and has moved back home. It’s unfortunate…

#8

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Sad story. I cut them off.

Sorry if It’s long, it’s hard to speak about this in only a few words.

My entire life, my parents would monitor me like a hawk. When I was in elementary school, every five seconds one would come in my room and “check out” everything. My mom wouldn’t let me hang out with anyone she didn’t “approve” of. (Guess what? She didn’t approve of anyone.) When I got a little older, I tried playing sports. Didn’t happen. I tried going out more. Wasn’t allowed. I had so much anger and animosity towards them for not letting me live you know? I felt like my home was a prison.

It got really bad after I graduated high school. I was an amazing student and desperately wanted to go out of state. I begged my parents to let me tour a big name school ( a few states away) and for once they let me. We went, I absolutely loved it, and I received a decent scholarship to go there. Well, my parents didn’t want me leaving, so they applied me to the local community college without my knowing.

I snapped.

I told my parents everything I felt. I told them how I felt like I was in prison, and they had been suffocating me since I was young. I never got to do anything because of them, and frankly, I hated them. My parents where in shock, but the damage was done.
My dad got very angry, calling me ungrateful, and other mean things. My mother sided with him, but to me it was just noise. I truly was done.

The next 3 years I didn’t speak to either of them, ever. When I would come home from school or work, I would go right into my room and lock the door. I would work double shifts and take as many classes as possible to avoid being home. My parents would sometimes try to talk to me but I was not having it. I received my Associates Degree and transferred to a school of my
choice with my own money. I didn’t tell them a thing until the day classes started. They didn’t like the school I chose (of course) and tried to convince me to go somewhere else. I didn’t.

Now present day, I(21M) am a senior in my last semester. I have some good job interviews lined up, and I already have my eyes on an apartment in the next state over. I talked to my parents. Told them I loved them, and then told them my plan. My dad and I have no more relationship, but my mom understands. She told me she was just trying to protect me, which I understood. But my mind is made, and I’m leaving for good.

I wish things where different, I really do,.

#9

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It was a nice sense of relief to get out of the house

To put it into perspective here’s some of the stuff that was common in my house:

8:30 bedtime

No shooting games allowed, I could only ever play Minecraft with my friends

Could not close doors other than bathroom

Could not LOCK bathroom doors

Could not spend your own money without parents approval first

Could not play on computer unless they were home (obviously this rule got broken a lot)

No social media at all

The one that got me the most though was until high school we could only have sleepovers at our house and could not go to most birthday parties

Getting out of the house to stay with someone else for a little was an absolute godsend. I love being independent and stoopid with my money and being able to play whatever games I want when I want.

So yeah that’s kinda what it’s like.

#10

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I’m a 35 y/o female IT project manager making six figures for the last 7 years.
My mother was an elementary school teacher, but mostly a stay at home mom.
When my dad died, she moved close to me. I like knowing I am her go-to person, and know I can do anything she needs I don’t want to.
She is forever giving me “career” advice, without having any idea what it is like in my field in this century. I keep reminding her that she has no concept of my world. I was and am deeply empathetic to teachers, but she will never understand being a new analyst, racking a data center or developing an algorithm to save a client $4M a year. She doesn’t see how hard I work mentally and emotionally to then run off to Vegas for a weekend.

#11

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Still live with parents. i avoid their invasive questions but am pretty honest about every thing i do choose to share with them. my siblings and i are whole adults so they try to be less insane these days.

funny (i guess) story though – the other day my sister and i were watching pulp fiction and my dad waltzed in our room, stared at the tv for a second and goes, “that movie is for grownups”
my sister said, “i’m 25”.

#12

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I started standing up for myself and telling them off but I also struggle with being self-sufficient, especially with ADHD, so it’s a vicious cycle. Especially when I can’t afford to move out.

Standing up for things they don’t agree with is pretty useless. I got yelled at for politely requiring consent every time my mom logs into my university (!!!!) student email/account to “help me manage my stuff”, plus she doesn’t even do it when she grudgingly agreed after she was done being offended. I remember her announcing to me over dinner she had gone in my account and enrolled me in a class for my bachelor’s without asking me first while I was away at school. As an adult this makes me very uncomfortable.

Edit: f**k it you guys are right I’m changing my password live. I will get yelled at soooooooooooo bad but worth it.

#13

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My dad was never a helicopter parent, he was actually the complete opposite. My mom was a super helicopter parent. When I was a sophomore in high school I got grounded from “everything”. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. I had to go to school and come home. I couldn’t watch tv unless it was about God. I didn’t have a phone, or computer, and couldn’t listen to music. For months. It got worse and worse as time went on. She would give me a curfew randomly one day and it would be different the next day. I would get in trouble for not following a curfew I had no idea existed. She gaslighted me so much that I often felt like I deserved what was happening to me. After going to therapy I am better able to identify her abusive & bipolar tendencies. I’m working on minimizing contact with her. So, whenever she’s being a pain in my a*s I just tell her to f**k off.

#14

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Unfortunately, the helicopter behavior continued after I got married and had children. Eventually, the only way to gain control was to go no contact.

Edit: Fundamentally it boiled down to a complete lack of respect for boundaries. My happiness, marriage, and ability to be a good parent were all suffering because my mother was still trying to control my life. We tried setting up boundaries, but that only escalated things. I would have gladly gone to family counseling if she agreed, but it was far easier for her to complain to her friends that her children don’t speak to her. (Yes, my brother cut her off too.)

I strongly recommend the following books: Stop Walking on Eggshells (by Paul Mason) and Boundaries (by Henry Cloud). I also very strongly recommend counseling.

#15

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Them moving across the country helped, but honestly I just reduced contact to bare minimum during college and have only reduced my contact since.

When I was in high school:

My bedtime was 9 (until I graduated)

I got grounded for having depression

I wasn’t allowed to have driving lessons because I “didn’t have enough experience driving”

They refused to take me driving

I couldn’t go to anyone’s house without direct confirmation from a parent that they would be there the entire time

I was forbidden from going over a friend’s house even with the parents home because my mom found out the girl was a lesbian

My twin brother got his license at 16, and was allowed to go to anyone’s house with no restrictions on the terms

More about getting grounded for depression:

Phone and IPod were confiscated for 6 months

Was forbidden from going anywhere except school and home for six months

Room was searched thoroughly and I was forced to show where I was hiding what I was using for self harm

I wasn’t allowed off the main floor of my house for 2 weeks

I had to sleep in the living room for 2 weeks (parents bedroom was on the same floor as the living room and my bedroom was upstairs)

There’s many more instances of them being awful, but if I think of any particularly crazy ones I’ll be sure to edit my comment.

Edit: forgot to mention that when they moved they gave us two weeks notice to get all of our stuff out of their house or they would throw it away (we had been living there for 18 years). Then they moved while myself and both my siblings were still in college. My twin and I were in our last semester so we had to speed up our apartment hunting to be moved in by graduation. My little sister really got screwed over because she was still in her Sophomore year when they moved. I moved out of state for grad school during finals week. My siblings helped me move, my parents didn’t. I drove my own moving truck to and from my new place. Then I drove back to my college, graduated, and drove to my new place again. My twin ended up doing something very similar. My sister ended up having to deal with the extra fees for staying on campus over the summer because she couldn’t find a place in time.

Edit 2: I found out recently that they lied to my siblings about why I was grounded and told them it was because I had terrible grades

Edit 3: The driving lessons were free with the drivers ed that they forced me to take despite not allowing me to drive. Drivers ed was my birthday and Christmas present that year, and the lessons eventually expired so I don’t think my drivers ed ever counted for anything.

That reminds me, my senior year of high school my parents offered to get me a yearbook for a birthday present (it was like $75). I declined because I didn’t care that much, and my twin was getting one so it didn’t matter to me. So they just didn’t get me a birthday present that year.

Also, one year my Mom stole my stuff, lied about it for months, then gave it to me for Christmas.

#16

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My parents track my location at all times now. (I’m 27) . That way they don’t call the cops if I don’t pick up within 30 min….which has happened multiple times …

#17

I’m not, but my ex was. (Both 21f and dating for 4 years) Her mother constantly would call and demand her daughter still pay her bills for her even though she lived 300 miles away with me. She also had to call and make complaints for her mother, order things, etc. I finally was contemplating breaking up with her. She visited her mother who told her she would pay her and buy her whatever she wanted if she broke up with me and became straight again. She did, and 3 months later was engaged and pregnant with a 40 year old man because her mother was so uncomfortable with her being gay.

I really dodged a bullet there…

Image source: zoologist88

#18

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Honestly me and my husband are trying to figure this out. My MIL is a total helicopter parent; if one of us (me, my husband, or his brother) doesn’t respond to her messages within an hour or two, she’ll bombard the other two about where we are/if something happened to us. She freaked out on me when I didn’t respond to her after three hours (we were doing a cross-country drive) and accused me of trying to shut her out and said we’re never going to be a real family because of the “walls” I’ve built up around myself. I don’t know what to do. My husband won’t stand up to her as much as I want him to, but I can’t do this for the rest of my life. We have to establish some boundaries, but it’s not my mom, so I can’t be the one to initiate.

#19

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My parents weren’t really helicopter parents until I was in high school, and then it was f*****g insane. I was in high school about 10 years ago now, but cell phones were the norm, access to social media was pretty regular, etc. My parents responded to one of my not-so-great moments as a 17 year-old by taking away my phone, only letting me use my computer in the same room as them with the screen facing them at all times, would pick me up and drop me off from school, wouldn’t let me visit my friends and would only let approved friends come to my house, installed cameras throughout the house so that when they weren’t there they could make sure I wasn’t going anywhere, etc.

We’re actually good now. I think once I went to college and then subsequently dropped out and took a couple years off, they realized the hyper-attentiveness wasn’t what I needed and only made me pull away more. Additionally, it probably helped that they saw me go through relatively difficult situations entirely on my own.

There’s a mutual respect now, ease of communication, and just general comfort I never knew growing up.

All that being said, I would never recommend parents of high school children act like mine did. If you want your children to trust you and be honest, you need to show them that you are willing to trust them. Also, my parents were f*****g letting me run around alone through the city for most of my youth and so the sudden dictatorial behavior was super startling and made me rebel more.

#20

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My mother made my bank accounts, insurances, even my mobile phone contract when I was underage and just kept them. (I also think she stole money from me but that’s another story). She said I wasn’t able to manage this kind of stuff by myself. With the help of my SO I took everything back from her when I was 26. When I visited her she tried to pressure me into stuff again, so I threatened her that I would pack my stuff and leave immediately and that she would never see me or talk to me ever again in her life. These two things were kind of wake-up calls for her. Now she is so afraid that I could really go No Contact that she keeps her stupid mouth shut.

#21

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I’m 7 months pregnant and my mom had effectively bubble wrapped me as a child and stunted my social skills quite harshly growing up. My mom keeps trying to insert herself into my doctor’s appointments and barge into my house when my nursery furniture arrived (though she paid for it). My husband and I simply avoid telling her things and firmly try to explain to her that she can’t throw a tantrum when she doesn’t get her way and if she keeps at it she will be ejected from our life.

#22

My step father was a HeleParent not so much my mother. He was overbearing and stern. He was a teacher at my school in addition to the authority figure at my house hold. Double trouble. He is text book narcissist. My mother was very trusting to the point that I was self sustaining by a young age 10-13. Made my own meals laundry, cleaned etc. When my mother remarried to this Dingus my world was flipped. Bed times, certain academic criteria, all autonomy was stripped and policed. Meals were decided for me, my color clothing and brand of apparel.

He had the same attitude towards my mother (and still does). At 18 I bailed and kept contact to a strict holiday/funeral/birthday minimum. I was paying for my own college and this c**k sucker threatened to cut off communication to my mother from me if I didn’t abide by his collegiate courses.

Fast forward 10 years I did what I needed to necessary and obtained a degree in a field I wanted. He and my mother had a falling out and I was in a position to help her. She stayed with me for several weeks while they worked things out. This built up his resentment towards me even more as I took away any leverage he had over us.

The icing on the ?. While my mother was with us my wife and I had our 2nd daughter. The day she was born, we were in the hospital, he showed up to my home and picked a fight while my mother watched our pets (2 Dogs if anyone’s interested). I still have the ring video if anyone wants to see it. When we got home a few days later, he showed back up. This time he forced his way into my house. This was his big f**k up. I still smile when I remember the pain in my shins from kicking his legs out from underneath him and the ‘ting’ sound my aluminum bat made when knocked his ribs with one good wack. He left, no cops needed as he knew he’d be f****d for breaking and entering. Now he keeps his distance like the s**t stain he is and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Image source: Bigjerr2007

#23

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My parents weren’t *that* bad, but they were quite over-protective. After I turned 21, I still wasn’t allowed out after dark and all that jazz. Had to let them know where I was going and who I was seeing in case I was murdered. What I did was move to another continent. I talk to them every couple of weeks over Whatsapp voice chat. They try and tell me what to do sometimes and I’m just like “ok” and don’t do it.

Edit: I’m white British and moved to the US when I was 24.

Edit edit: last I checked in with them, my parents had agreed that my mum is no longer allowed out into the front garden without my dad “because of all the blacks moving in”, if you want any more context on them ?.

#24

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I stick to food and the weather. I never share my life details because I know they’ll criticise me and put the blame on me or tell me what to do even though they have no experience in whatever I’m going through. My mum is not my friend, she’s not someone I trust, who I would share my thoughts and feelings with because she would either tell me what I should be doing or feeling or just criticise me.

My mum used to control me to the point that she stunted my social development. I wasn’t allowed to go to my friends houses, I couldn’t go to sleepovers, I could only go out with my friends during school holidays only when high school began. When I needed to use the internet or phone I would have to ask permission and justify why I needed to use it and when we were using the phone or computer she would check on us every 15 minutes or so to verify that it’s homework related or to kick us off if she thinks we’re taking too long. I was never allowed to play computer games, she also never bought us any games or magazines – said they were a waste of time and money.

When I moved to another city for university I went “wild”. I’d buy trays of eggs every week and eat more than one a day because they’re my favourite food (she restricted my egg intake because she thinks they give you high cholesterol levels. I would sleepover at friends places, I’d have ice cream for breakfast, I’d stay up until 2am watching movies and playing games. I mean, my grades weren’t great but I had fun for the first time in my life during my first year at university.

#25

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I ended up having to remove my parents from my life and at first it was really hard. But seriously they’ve controlled every aspect of it. When I was a kid my internet time was limited and supervised, i was allowed like an hour a day on electronics. I wasnt allowed to play any violent video games, I really only played Mario kart. I wasnt allowed to play pokemon because it had evolution in it. I wasnt allowed to read Harry Potter because it was magic and magic is bad. They decided which college I went to when I was 18. They decided which degree I got. When I was struggling to find work they pushed me to go into a field I didnt want to, which I am now stuck in.

When I was sick as well it was really rare I went to the doctor. At one point I was dying from a bad case of pneumonia and they refused to hospitalize me even though I was almost dead (quite literally.) My lungs were full of fluid and my oxygen level was running at 82%. Even on oxygen that number didnt go up.

Once I moved out of my house, I started to talk to them less until last year I finally just decided to cut them off. Talking to them gave me anxiety and they always tried to steer my life a different direction, so I figured it was better to cut them off compeltely. At first it was hard but it’s gotten easier over time.